Five surprising themes about personal growth (from a book about AI)

“When will I ever laugh again?” said Carrie sadly

“When something is really really funny, you’ll laugh” replied Miranda

I remember this line from SATC when Carrie is recovering on her Mexican honeymoon with her girlfriends (after Big left her at the altar) and she is so sad and depressed she worries that she may never get over it. This clip shows the moment that bought Carries laughter back - enjoy ;oP

Now thankfully, I have not just been jilted (in fact this May will mark 8 years married for Oli and I), but the quote makes me think of my love of reading, which abruptly left me some months back, maybe longer.

For ages I have struggled to read, even books that came highly recommended to me. No matter what I picked up, I would read a few pages and then lose concentration, put it down again, and then the next time I came to read again I couldn’t remember what I had read before.

For an avid reader this was beyond annoying!!

Not one to give up easily, I kept trying on and off, and dear gentle reader I am thrilled to share I found one that I could stick with, and its SO GOOD I have to talk about it in this weeks blog

“Girl Decoded” by Rana el Kaliouby

Personally I was drawn to “Girl Decoded” for a couple of reasons; of an increasing personal / professional interest in understanding how technology and emotions influence our performance, wellbeing and relationships. Plus the fact that living in the Middle East, I was curious to learn her story as a muslim woman becoming such a trailblazer in Tech!

Rana el Kaliouby offers not only a captivating journey into the world of artificial emotional intelligence, but it is also interwoven with her own personal narrative.

What made this a captivating read for me was its intimate portrayal of her journey, from her childhood in Egypt to her groundbreaking work in the United States. Her candid reflections on cultural identity, gender bias, and resilience add depth and authenticity to the narrative, making it both relatable and inspiring. Also, it offered additional gems related to my own career as I learned Affectiva, operates in the world of Market Research (and Millward Brown were one of the early investors in her companies technology!)

Five themes for personal growth

While the book offers a compelling vision of the future of AI and its potential to foster empathy and understanding, there were five themes that come up for me that I wanted to share:

1. Following Curiosity and Passion: El Kaliouby's journey begins with a simple yet profound principle: follow your curiosity. She initially pursued computer science, driven by a genuine interest in technology. However, it was her curiosity about the emotional aspects of human-computer interaction that led her to explore the field of affective computing. |And this in turn led to to different countries, collaborators and more that ultimately saw her found her company Affectiva

   If you’re going through a transition and want to find the intersection between what you love and what you are good at (part of the Ikigai concept I use with clients), staying curious and following your interests in a great bet, even when they lead you into uncharted territory.

2. Embracing Unexpected Collaborations: Throughout her journey, el Kaliouby demonstrates the power of being open to unexpected collaborations. From her partnership with the psychology department at Cambridge University to her collaborations at the MIT Media Lab, she highlights the value of interdisciplinary teamwork and the potential for innovation that arises when diverse perspectives converge.

   This theme emphasises the importance of setting goals while remaining flexible and open-minded. For anyone currently navigating their own career paths, el Kaliouby's example encourages you to embrace serendipity and welcome opportunities for collaboration, even if they diverge from their original plans.

3. Establishing Vision and Values: Central to el Kaliouby's success is her unwavering commitment to a clear vision and core values. She recognized early on that computers were missing emotional intelligence and made it her mission to fill that gap. Similarly, her commitment to privacy and consent-driven decisions reflects her deeply held values. This just highlights the importance of aligning personal and professional goals with a strong vision and values.

   For anyone seeking purpose and direction in their careers, el Kaliouby's example serves as a reminder to establish a guiding vision and adhere to values that drive meaningful decision-making and impact.

4. Dreaming Big and Breaking Boundaries: El Kaliouby's journey is a testament to the power of dreaming big and breaking free from societal and cultural expectations. Despite facing obstacles and setbacks, she refused to be confined by her background or limitations imposed by others. Her boldness and determination to pursue her passions serve as an inspiration to challenge conventions and pursue aspirations fearlessly.

   Whether facing career transitions or personal challenges, el Kaliouby's example encourages readers to break free from self-imposed limitations and embrace their full potential.

5. Valuing Diversity and Inclusivity: Throughout her career, el Kaliouby has championed diversity and inclusivity, both in her approach to development and in creating inclusive spaces for collaboration, such as her inclusive hackathons. This theme resonates deeply with this year's International Women's Day theme of inspiring inclusivity. El Kaliouby's example underscores the importance of valuing diverse perspectives, experiences, and ideas as a catalyst for innovation and progress.

   For some years, I’ve personally been interested in gender equality and closing the gender pay gap (my coaching practice one of the ways I try and create a ripple effect of positive change for women), and reading her example towards inclusivity was inspiring. And a call to action for me to be even more open and inclusive in my future events and trainings.

Walking the walk

One additional, poignant, lesson from Rana el Kaliouby's journey is the importance of walking the walk (not just talking the talk).

Despite her groundbreaking work in adding emotional intelligence to machines, el Kaliouby found herself neglecting to heed emotional warning signs in her own life, ultimately leading to the breakdown of her marriage and divorce. Now I’m not saying marriage is the be all and end all - far from it, but this serves as a powerful reminder that even when we possess knowledge or expertise in a certain area, we must actively practice applying it in our own lives.

In my coaching practice, I've observed that the themes and challenges my clients face can sometimes mirror my own, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and ongoing personal growth.

This book underscores the humbling truth that none of us are immune to our own blind spots and that continual self-reflection and implementation are essential components of personal and professional development.

Final words

Whether you're a tech enthusiast, a market researcher, psychology buff, or simply curious about the future of AI, this book will leave you inspired and eager to explore the limitless possibilities of emotional intelligence. "Girl Decoded" is a must-read for anyone interested in the intersection of technology, emotion, and humanity.

And its endorsed by me as the book that got me back into reading again, so that has to mean something!

Want to read it yourself? Check it out here

Got any great book recommendations that I might enjoy? Send them over lara@lara-meyer.com

Want to talk about how I can help you implement any of the themes I spoke about from the book in your own career and life? Lets chat!

Book a free consultation with me here

Ready to race? Revelations on why, sometimes, its better to shift down a gear

The past weekend in Bahrain bought the roar of Formula 1 engines, the exhilarating speed, and the thrill of competition! Its always a busy and fun filled time on the island and while I didn’t go to the race this year, it has prompted me to think again about the concept of racing though life, whether its good for us and if there is another way…

Spotting the language of urgency

Have you ever paid attention to the way we use the idea of speed in language? The idea that we are running out of time, or that if we don’t do things fast we’ll never get that time back, “time is money” etc. They are so integrated into the way we talk they can be hard to spot, until you are looking for them that is! A few that caught my attention here recently are

• Express spa treatments (get that relaxing massage or facial in 30 minutes or less - how relaxing is it really?!)

• Speed Yoga (something supposed to be spiritual and relaxing - doing it at speed is such an utter contradiction!)

• See a city in 5 hours (these kind of travel layovers are popular here and while Bahrain is a tiny Island even 5 hours is pushing it if you truly want to experience the culture, traditions and people)

• What examples have you come across that might tickle me?

Beyond these everyday examples, I also spend a lot of time in the world of online marketing and coaching for my business, and I see these types of speedy language rife there too.

It was only after I signed up to a challenge called “Race to Recurring Revenue” recently that I stopped to consider what all the hurry was about?! I realised that even I, in my slower period am not immune to the pull of the promise of rapid results!!

But, once I spotted it, and thought about why I wanted to sign up for the challenge, I had a bit of an allergic reaction to the whole idea. I couldn't help but feel uneasy about the language surrounding racing and urgency. The pressure to achieve significant milestones in a short span just didn’t sit right for where my head and heart is at right now.

Despite understanding the positive aspects of quick progress and especially limiting overthinking, I really found myself questioning whether racing into another challenge was right for me.

Reflecting on past experiences

You see, this “allergic reaction” to the idea of racing really helped me stop and think.

Once I really took the time to reflect on past experiences, I realised just how much I had been rushing through my entire career and life. Ever since I started working, I desperately wanted to crank up my years of experience so I could have a bio that read 5 years experience, then it had to be 10 years experience and so on. It never seemed to end, since with each milestone or more senior title, I was not satisfied I just wanted to look ahead to the next one.

In fact when I was younger I carelessly used to say “Live fast, die young, I’ll be dead by the time I am 40!*” What a way to wish away a life and career!!

(*Note dear reader, the irony that I am in fact 40 years old, as I write this blog for you now!)

These rushing and racing habits and behaviours are soooo engrained. They are linked to strengths of mine of being self-directed, driven and goal-oriented - and because our culture applauds these qualities, it can be addictive to keep pushing ahead as quickly as possible. We see this in the lauded 30 under 30 lists or even our parents crowing about our latest progress to their friends as a sort of badge of honour.

If you have some of these “Hyper Achiever” tendencies too, you’ll also recognise how these strengths, can easily get overused, and become crippling self sabotaging behaviours - too much focus on rapid achievement can really be to the detriment of self care, relationships and more.

Learning from unrealistic goals and behaviours

Just like with the challenge I mentioned, even now, as I have 20 years experience as a market researcher under my belt, I still feel the need to race! Putting myself under familiar pressure felt right when I started my coaching and consulting business.

Currently, I am coming up for 3 years as a self employed person and coach. This should be something to be celebrated, not minimised. But because of this pattern to reach milestones as fast as possible, I had attempted to run things in my business like a corporate machine, meaning strict objectives, working hours and targets - and it was horrible.

Waaah - why did I do that?!

Becoming a coach and working for myself were things I wanted to do to give me MORE freedom, MORE flexibility, MORE time for enjoying life. Yet instead I created a world for myself that had LESS of all those things.

And as the gap between my reality and these ambitious goals I was aiming for at breakneck speed widened, I found myself trapped in a spiral of low self-esteem and disappointment.

“Living the fast life, instead of the good life”

As I have become more intrigued by this topic, I’ve sought out other teachers, thinkers to help expand my own thinking on the topic.

Recently I came across the idea of The Slow Movement, as championed by journalist Carl Honoré, after going through his own revelations on the pace of life. It offers us a new perspective on the times to speed up vs slow down, and invites us to consider our well-being, our choices, and the overall quality of our journeys and how our pace is impacting them? If it intrigues you too, I’ll share some links below to books, YouTube videos and websites to check out.

Embracing a slower, more intentional journey

In considering the racing analogy, I discovered that not only did I need to get out of the fast lane and switch down a couple of gears, but in fact I lack the fuel to even race at this moment.

Instead, I find myself yearning for a slower, more intentional journey. The walking phase of life has taken precedence, allowing me to savor the journey, smell the proverbial roses, and extract valuable lessons from the act of slowing down, which as I learn them I hope to share with you.

So far, this self-reflection has become a real catalyst for establishing clearer boundaries, aligning with other individuals who appreciate the importance of moving at a slower pace and a realisation that the support and partnership I seek isn't centered around pushing for significant business goals but is rooted in a genuine enjoyment of the project and its collaboration.

So it begs the question, without the “need for speed” who even am I any more?! (Well there’s another blog post on that topic thats for sure!)

Spotting your own ‘racing’ tendencies

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. If you’d like to learn more about some of the thinsg I have mentioned check these out

Watch: Ted Talk by Carl Honore “In Praise of Slowness”

Read: “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle

Learn: The Slow Living Movement Website

If my reflections on racing through life and the desire to take things down a gear or two have resonated, you may also share a Hyper Achiever Saboteur like I do.

If you’re curious to find out more about it and see how strong it is in you, then I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. Its totally free and if you want to chat through your results with me then please hop on my calendar and we’ll have a leisurely chat about it, no race talk or hard sell guaranteed.

Book a free consultation with me here and see if your Hyper Achiever is racing you round the track too much and explore what you can do about it!

The Art of Balancing Work and Rest

As I sat in front of my laptop, feeling buried under piles of urgent emails, looming deadlines and my calendar a blur of never-ending meetings, my enthusiasm for work had faded away. It was ANOTHER one of those days where every task felt like a never-ending challenge. I felt utterly exhausted.

The annoying thing was I recognised this pattern, and the familiarity of stress from overwhelming workload with each day becoming more unbearable than the last… Over time, I couldn't shake off the feeling of despair. I longed for a break, a chance to catch my breath, but it seemed impossible in the relentless pace of corporate life. Tears welled up as I realised this wasn't the life I had envisioned when I started my career.

That evening, I poured out my frustrations to my coach, expressing the deep exhaustion and hopelessness I felt. The corporate culture seemed like an unchangeable force, and the idea of finding balance and joy at work felt like an impossible dream.

That was a little part of my story from 2019 when I was in my last corporate job, but it could have been told to me by several of my own coaching clients recently.

The struggle is real

In a world of never-ending tasks, tight deadlines, and relentless expectations (at work and home), burnout is a shockingly common experience (recent studies show levels of burn out range from 25-75% of people). And its not just for those of us in employment, even now working for myself I’m not immune to the risks of burn out.

It is just as important to recognise and talk about the facts of the situation as it is to deal with you own mindset and reactions to the challenges you face:

1. Does the workload align with your job role and expectations? Are you taking on more than is necessary for your role? Or maybe you have had to pick up extra responsibilities after someone else left?

2. What are the key factors driving the level of workload you have? Are there team members not delivering, poor communication so tasks often need to be repeated, are you holding on to things you could be delegating etc?

3. Are you constantly overwhelmed, or does it ebb and flow? Identify if there are recurring stressful situations that contribute or if its a more underlying feeling you have as these point to different solutions

These questions will help to give you some context and perhaps even insights (the market researcher inside me remains alive and well!) for you to see where the real issues are. With all of my clients, and us humans in general, there is the reality and then the perception of it which usually is exacerbating things…

Can you take a break?

“But I don’t have time to take a break” I hear you cry!

And to be honest, I have said that so many times myself too. When you are in the thick of an onslaught of heavy workload, and a mindset that tells you anything other than just plugging away is futile, it can feel impossible to take a break. But I promise you, the more strongly you are fighting me on this, the more you need a break, like right now!

Part of the challenge here is when we think of taking a break, the thing we often imagine either the most extreme version of a break (heading to a spa or deserted beach anyone?!) or the impact of what happens when we stop ie the work piling up even more, or worse that we might be thought of as lazy or uncommitted to our career or company for doing so. These extreme ideas feel unrealistic or anxiety inducing, so we stay stuck in our overwhelm.

Or perhaps you distract yourself on your phone for a bit of light hearted relief in the form of cat videos or motivational quotes, but realise after 20+ minutes of this you are now doom scrolling and even further from your deadline - come on it cant just be me!

On top of that our saboteurs predictably pile in and share unhelpful thoughts that fuel and maintain our behaviour patterns

• The Judge may say “oh how pathetic you need a little rest do you?!”

• The Controller may say “if you don’t do these tasks, no one else will, so there is simply no time for rest”

• The Pleaser may say “you will be letting other people down if you take a rest now”

• The Hyper Rational may ignore the feelings of exhaustion completely and keep plowing on with more tasks in a robot like manner

However, in the space we create when we rest, that is exactly where we have our ah-ha moments, the ability to be kind to ourselves for the fact it is f*cking hard to juggle everything, perhaps even clarity over what tasks we can delegate and the things that truly are important and a priority vs the ones that are just noisy distractions.

In fact in rest we can see the wood for the trees that allows us to navigate ahead in the best possible way

My favourite rest breaks from 2 to 20 mins

If you shudder at the thought of taking a break, consider how you could make time for any of these. Everyone, and I mean everyone can make 2 minutes - see if you can stretch yourself up to 20 with some of these ideas…

• 2 minute mindful breathing breaks: Take short breaks throughout the day for a few minutes of mindful breathing. Close your eyes, focus on your breath. In and out, noticing the difference in temperature of the air as it comes in vs out, or the way your chest / stomach rises gently as you breathe. This is one of the things the PQ programme delivers beautifully, with several prompts through the day to pause for 2 minutes to breath and calm the mind as part of the mental fitness training programme

• 5 minutes of creative expression: Engage in a creative activity and letting your mind flow freely in a different, expressive way can be rejuvenating. And no you dont need to be a great artist or anything! This could be journaling for 5 minutes on what is making you feel overwhelmed, or drawing a doodle that expresses your feelings

• 10 minutes for a Power Nap: My new absolute favourite! My coach introduced me to Yoga Nidra, a type of guided meditation for deep rest that enables a serious recharge from as little as 10 minutes. Find a quiet space, set an alarm, and let your mind and body briefly reset. I’m loving this one by Ally Boothroyd

• 20 minutes for a walk: Step away from your desk. I repeat, step away from your desk! Ideally get outside and immerse yourself in nature. A short walk in a nearby park or green space (if you have one nearby) can provide a refreshing change of scenery and give you the space you need to breath and re-focus

• (If you are an animal lover) Get a cat: Ok ok, I am totally biased as a cat mama but honestly the decision to get Cleo (our first cat) and later Issy (pictured above) was a strategic stress coping mechanism for me, and it worked! Every time I stroke them I am soothed, and looking at their cute faces reminds me to give myself the same unconditional love and compassion that I give to them.

Call for compassion

What all of those breaks can help you to do is get, albeit briefly, a little bit of space from your situation so that you can give yourself some compassion. Because psssst here is the true secret - its giving yourself compassion and grace in these moments that is even more powerful than the rest.

Why?

Because when you beat yourself up for finding it hard and stressful and overwhelming and exhausting, you deplete even more of that precious energy you need to make good decisions about the best way forward. Instead when you pause and bring yourself compassion you can usually tap into a sort of inner wisdom that allows for a gentler approach

What would be the kindest thing you could say to yourself in those moments? Maybe its something like

“Anyone would feel overwhelmed by this level of workload”

“I’m doing my best with the resources & time available”

“Whatever I decide to prioritise it will be ok”

Maybe even the idea of this feels wierd to you, but please give yourself permission to give it a try next time you are feeling exhausted and tearful. And you can always pretend you’re saying it to a friend if that helps open the compassion taps.

Bring out your calm rebel

So give it a try. Rebel against the hustle and corporate productivity culture that says we must work at full steam all day every day, and instead, take a few deep breaths, have a nap, play with your cat and come back to your task or project or job feeling more energised and focussed than if you simply ploughed on through.

Oh and dont forget to tell yourself that you are bloody marvellous and doing your very best.

And if you would like to go deeper, I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. This tool will help you identify the inner beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviour tendencies that keep you in overwhelm and negativity rather than accessing that all important self compassion, so that you can start to make changes and feel waaaay better in just a few weeks.

Click below to book time on my calendar and debrief your personal results.

Book a free consultation with me here and learn how these tools can be applied to dealing with your current work / overwhelm / burnout situation

Breaking the Silence: Unleashing the Power of Your Voice in Your Professional Journey

There have been many times when I hesitated to speak up for myself in a professional setting. Some have been minor moments where my opinion would have been valuable but not necessary, others have been more painful recollections where my fear of being disliked/ judged/ shouted at drove my silence and had adverse consequences.

In the corporate world, just as in life, the ability to speak up is more than just a skill; it's a powerful tool for progress. As I reflect on my own journey and the collective experiences of many talented women that I work with, this is a very common topic that can impact even the most confident of us, at times.

This weeks blog is an exploration into the intricate dynamics of finding and using your voice in the professional arena, and the feeling of empowerment that comes when you do

Common factors keeping you quiet

If the challenge of speaking up personally or professionally is something that resonates with you, its easy to blame yourself (your quiet tone, introverted nature etc) or indeed point the finger at others (a toxic company culture or unsupportive boss for example). What I have learned is that unpicking the root cause is NEVER that straightforward, and often those internal and external factors combine together and overlap in complex and highly intricate webs - and its that which can keep you quiet in a myriad of situations.

In the below table I’ve outlined the 5 most common internal factors I explore with my clients, as well as highlighting the external factors which contribute or exacerbate the situation. Which ones resonate most with you?

The saboteurs within: a closer look

When considering those internal factors, the Positive Intelligence framework can shed light on the saboteurs within us—those sneaky voices that amplify our fears and hinder our ability to speak up or share our needs, wants and desires eg

• The "Judge" sabotages self-belief

• The "Avoider" evades conflict at all costs

• The "Pleaser" keeps quiet for fear of displeasing others

Personally, I can recall a situation where I was sitting in a clients office, with them highly agitated and annoyed at the fact the data and reports that had been delivered had many inaccuracies (again). Their frustration was valid, we had huge issues in our data collection that was impacting results, yet the outward bursts of judgement and anger toward me as the account lead and ‘messenger’ were highly unprofessional, disrespectful and actually quite scary.

Their behaviour in turn set off my own saboteurs, leading me to simply agree with their assessment of the situation, and I personally took the blame for the issues, in the hope of not angering my client further. In truth, I was utterly sh*tting myself , afraid if I disagreed or corrected them, the situation would escalate and they would throw me and my colleague out of their office - what a humiliating prospect. Staying quiet, my pleaser & avoider believed, was the quickest way out of there!

In hindsight, I now realise I should have spoken up, remaining accountable for my part, but not personally taking the blame for parts beyond my control. In the long run, I believe it would have established a mutual respect that would have been better for our working relationship.

Instead, I carried fear around with me for a long time, absolutely hated it whenever I had to visit their offices incase of another ‘incident’ and worried excessively every time I sent over a report incase of the blasting I would get if there was any mistakes - yikes!

Looking back, I feel great empathy for that younger version of me who was not aware of my inner saboteur dynamics and how they were impacted by the external circumstances. But I am sooo grateful to now have the mental fitness and tools to deal with these things better each time - a continual work in progress!

The benefits of building the ‘speak up’ muscle

One of the things I see with clients is a great deal of pressure they place on themselves in this area. Often introverted, thoughtful women beat themselves up for not being the loud quick-witted ones. I really want to stress that you don’t have to totally move to the opposite end of the scale! Recognising and intercepting these saboteurs is akin to building a muscle—a muscle that empowers us to speak up with authenticity and assertiveness. Consider what a 10% improvement would do, I’m sure you’ll even surprise yourself at the difference a relative small shift can make!

What I have seen personally and with my clients, is that as you build the muscle of assertiveness (even 10%), confidence soars. Your ability to communicate your views, opinions and needs actually helps you to deepen relationships with colleagues, create environments where all can feel comfortable to be themselves and even more creative and innovative ideas can be born.

Even if you don’t recognise these saboteurs in yourself, growing your awareness of them may help you spot when someone on your team may be struggling to speak up, so you can support them to find and use their voice.

Starting to speak up more

If the themes in this weeks blog have resonated with you, and you want to practice speaking up more so that you can progress in your career, rebalance personal relationships or feel more assertive in all areas of your life then pick one of the factors listed in the table and start to pay attention to any times you notice that factor getting in the way of you speaking up, so that you can start to challenge and gently stretch yourself to shift that extra 10% from whereever you are today - be it speaking louder, more often or earlier in meetings for example.

And if you would like to go deeper, I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. This tool will help you identify the inner beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviour tendencies that might be holding you back. By understanding your saboteurs, you can begin the journey of intercepting their influence and unleashing the full potential of your voice.

Click below to book time on my calendar and debrief your personal results.

Book a free consultation to go though your saboteur assessment and see how quietening those inner voices can enable your outer voice to come through more loud and clear!

Navigating with Your Inner Compass: A Personal Journey of Self-Love (So Far)

If you've been following my journey through my blog or emails, you'll know that I consider empathy as the foundation of mental fitness. Yet, even as a coach specialising in mental fitness, I've discovered the profound impact of redirecting that empathy inward—towards myself, is easier said than done.

Its easier to be kind to others

It's a common dynamic among many of my clients, and perhaps you can relate?

Extending care, kindness, and love to others may come easily, but when it comes to self-compassion, it is not a automatic guarantee. In my experience, its something that has to be worked on and practiced and grown, just like any other muscle (mental or physical)

The truth is I have spent so much of my life being kind to others and so dreadfully mean and harsh to myself - no wonder I struggled with turning this around initially. On top of this, my empathy muscle for others grew so strong, I felt I lost touch with what I personally wanted and needed a lot of the time.

Revealing unhelpful patterns of behaviour

Recently, I was working on a personal mission statement of sorts.

And I have to admit I wrote and wrote and wrote, and struggled to come up with anything that felt right. I came back to it so many times. Every time, I felt more distressed because what it revealed to me I was missing a connection to myself. And on top of that, with 10+ years of this sort of personal development work, I put pressure on myself and let the dreaded “shoulds” come in to my thinking

• I should know myself better by now

• I should have a clearer idea of what my mission is

• I should be better than this if I am really to help others on their own journeys

And the thing is, when the “shoulds” appear, its a sure sign that saboteurs are in charge and running the show!

This was a clear sign for me that something had to change, and I was ready to go deeper…

Acknowledging the need for change is the first step.

So, I decided to be honest about my struggle with self-love and understanding. I decided to write about the fact that I am working on this at an even deeper level with the aim to know myself better, and in doing so better serve all of you, who follow my content, attend workshops or webinars or work with me 1:1

Several months ago I began investing more time in self-care as a priority. For me, it meant embracing fun exercise classes, baking elaborate cakes for loved ones, painting, and embracing travel to re-connect with dear friends. Your self-care practices will be unique to you, but when doing them little and often I have found a marked change in how I feel about myself.

These small steps seem like nothing on the outside, but putting myself first in these small ways, opened up a new space and desire to put myself first in other bigger ways too

No journey is meant to be traveled alone

In recognising the need for greater self-love, at the start of this year, I enlisted the support of an empathetic and supportive coach. Our work together is centered around establishing even greater awareness, acceptance, and eventually enhanced self-love.

However, as I embarked on this journey, my internal saboteurs have been raising their voices. The judge, hyper-achiever, pleaser, and avoider—all trying to pull me away from the path of self-love.

• The Judge labeled it as "self-love mumbo jumbo,"

• The Hyper-Achiever claimed “I should be working on something productive or revenue generating”

• The Pleaser worried about “what will other people (and especially your clients) think about this”

• The Avoider questioned the entire endeavours significance - “rather ignore it for another year (or 10!!)” it cried!

• The Victim wailed “who even am I? and why is this work so hard and never ending for me?!”

Despite these voices, I am pressing on.

Recognising their existence, is all part of the mental fitness work and I acknowledge them daily, but refuse to let them dictate my path. It's a reminder that overcoming self-doubt and negative thoughts to ones-self is an ongoing process—one that requires resilience and commitment.

It’s an inside job that is never “done”

That ongoing process is truly a journey, which a wise friend reminded me that the work of self-discovery is never "done." It's a continuous process, an opportunity to deepen and expand our understanding of ourselves. For so long, I sought validation externally—through work, relationships, status, and financial success, hoping at a certain milestone I would be “done”, “complete” or “finished” somehow as a person.

But, the realisation hit me like a wave: the next level shift I yearned for had to be an inside job.

This means shining a light on the internal struggles that kept me entangled in patterns of overwork, people-pleasing, and periods of crippling low self-worth. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see after all.

Celebrating Your Inner Compass

So in the spirit of self-love, I invite you to get to know yourself better, and celebrate your inner compass. Acknowledge the courage it takes to embark on learning about yourself to see and break old habits that no longer serve you. You are not alone, and the path to self-love is indeed an emotional, yet also a proud one.

I hope my open hearted sharing connects with you on some level and helps you embark your next level self love story

Here's to the journey within—may it be filled with self-discovery, acceptance, and a deepening love for the incredible person you are becoming.

Book a free consultation with me here and let’s see how you can bring greater self love for career success and happiness!

Strengths as a superpower: 5 ways to boost your career doing what you are good at

How do you normally feel when you are at work?

Upbeat, energised? Or dreading the next task project or even crisis?  

If you more often experience the latter - feeling drained by the work you do, its a sign that you night be spending more time working on things that are not exactly strengths of yours. The constant stretch out of your comfort zone or enjoyment is zapping your energy and that has the potential to hold back your career.

While it’s obviously not possible ALL of the time to work to your strengths, planning for it most of the time or as often as possible really does make a difference! 

The reasons for a strengths based approach 

Apart from being easier and more enjoyable, there are 5 reasons why I advocate for a strengths based approach when it comes to how we spend most of our time at work.

1.Enhanced productivity and efficiency

Leveraging your innate skills can actually lead you to be a lot more productive and efficient because it's more likely that you enter an incredible state of flow. It is amazing what happens when you align with what you naturally good at - you can get so much more done, in less time and still have the energy to do other things later in the day (work or personal!)

2.Increased job satisfaction

Now we all know work shouldn't be a chore, right?! it should be a source of joy or fulfilment. Its obvious then that when you spend time working on projects or in ways that are aligned to your strengths most of the time gievs you an increased sense of satisfaction as you will mostly be feeling like “job well done” and that in itself enhances your intrinsic motivation to want to continue a hell of a lot more than if you are constantly working on things that feel hard or draining

3.Learning curves

Embracing our strengths does not mean the absence of challenges! It means facing them with a smile and enjoyment because we can see how our strengths apply to unpicking the problem at hand and contributing to its solution in a meaningful way. It supercharges your learning curve like having a secret weapon because you are building on what you are already good at and going from there, like a springboard!

4.Boosting your self-confidence

Confidence, as we all know isn't about pretending to have it all figured out it is about knowing what you're good at and feeling self assured because of that because it matches the needs of the task at hand. When you know that you are leaning into natural strengths or even skills that you have built up over time you can feel more confident to figure out what is ahead of you. Embracing the idea this is always a bit of a journey rather than a destination also re-affirms confidence

5.Innovation and creativity

Now the secret really is here in this final point becuase when you really sync with your strengths you are much better able to be creative and innovate and find novel solutions when you very least expect. If you think about this in your career what new solutions can you create for clients or jobs can you see you would be a great fit for when you take this approach?!

Uncover your strengths today

So if you feel like you're spending too much time on tasks and work that drains you rather than lights you up consider it you might not be playing to your strengths.  See if you can challenge yourself to bring your strengths more into your daily work and see how it changes your energy dynamic

So, reflect on your strengths, really play with what makes you unique and tap into what unfolds when you focus on what you want naturally good at!

Recommended reading for this topic includes

The Confidence Code - Katy Kay and Claire Shipman

Dare to Lead - Brene Brown

Or try taking the free VIA Character Strengths assessment

Book a free consultation with me here and lets see how you can leverage your strengths for career success!

Unmasking workplace saboteurs for career progression & happiness

In our daily work, it can sometimes feel like we encounter saboteurs designed to get in our way of professional progress —be they colleagues, direct reports, managers or even wider systemic issues like an overly competitive culture. These things can definitely obstruct our path to success.

The catch, however, is that changing these external elements isn't always within our power.

So, where do we begin?

Well, dear gentle reader (ps I’ve just binge watched Bridgerton - I know I’m behind the curve here but loved it!!) it actually begins with you!

Starting with your own mind

Because you can’t change how other people think or behave (as much as you might like to!) so the place to start is becoming aware of and unravelling the workplace saboteurs that reside within your own mind.

This has certainly been true for me at points in my career and life - so consumed with how everyone else was treating me and playing the blame game, I didn’t see what I could in fact control and change in myself

Consider this:

Imagine a workplace sabotage scenario that I am sure will be familiar to you: a colleague appropriating your ideas and passing them off as their own. Imagine this has been going on for a while, and is starting to affect your prospects for recognition and advancement in the company.

Ask yourself…

1. What beliefs are fuelling these sabotaging behaviours?

What do you believe about how ideas should be recognised and rewarded?

Perhaps you hold the belief that hard work alone should suffice, expecting others to intuitively recognise your contributions? Perhaps you believe your colleague to be someone unscrupulous so you kind of expect (and tolerate) their behaviour?

2. What actions might unwittingly perpetuate this internal sabotage?

Sometimes we don’t realise how we ourselves are fuelling the very behaviours we don’t want.

Perhaps you persist in sharing your ideas with this colleague, despite past betrayals? Or maybe you find yourself withholding your ideas in meetings, allowing others to claim credit for your ideas due to your silence?

3. How do your thought patterns contribute to these sabotaging behaviours?

On repeat our thoughts become our actions, which become our habits and in turn our way of life

Perhaps you succumb to a victim mindset, bemoaning the toxicity of your workplace rather than being accountable for your own behaviours? Or, perhaps you worry so much about how others will see you if you start “boasting” about your achievements and ideas that you’d rather stay quiet and silently fester with annoyance that seeps into the rest of your day and performance?

Unmasking the saboteurs

The answers to the above questions illuminate the intricate web of beliefs, actions, and thought patterns that contribute to your situation. Addressing inner saboteurs is akin to lifting a weight off our shoulders, enabling us to navigate our own workplace challenges with greater ease. And the really amazing thing is, once we start working on our own mindset, something magic can start to happen with others around us to, a kind of positive ripple effect that weakens the saboteurs of others too.

As a certified coach in the Positive Intelligence system, I guide individuals through understanding how their minds work against them, facilitating the combat of self-sabotaging behaviours, and ushering in transformative change from the six weeks programme (in fact most clients report feeling significantly more positive in just 3 weeks)

For those seeking personalised recommendations to overcome their workplace saboteurs, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation. You'll receive access to free online assessments that unveil your personal saboteurs, fostering immediate self-awareness.

Don’t let your inner saboteurs hold you back from your dream career destination

Book a free consultation with me here and uncover your workplace saboteurs!

Don’t let January dictate your entire year

As the final days of January unfold, it's natural to reflect on the month that has passed, evaluating the progress made and contemplating the goals set at the beginning of the year. For many of us, this period can evoke a range of emotions – relief, satisfaction, but perhaps also a tinge of disappointment.

Perspectives on time

We all have the tendency to overestimate what can be achieved in a short span (a day, week or month) and underestimate what can be achieved in a year. But there is ALWAYS room to grow. So with that in mind, if you have not quite achieved what you wanted in January, its ok! Think about what is possible for you over the quarter or year instead. Here are some tips to help you do that!

1. Celebrate the Wins, Big or Small: Begin this reflection with celebration. Acknowledge and appreciate the strides, regardless of their size. The mere act of embarking on a journey towards personal and professional betterment is commendable. Whether you made significant progress or encountered setbacks, each step is a nod to your commitment to growth.

2. Recognise the Power of Consistency: The human tendency to overestimate what can be accomplished in a day or a month often leads to under-appreciating the impact of consistent effort over time. Progress may not always be linear, and that's perfectly okay. Recognise the power of small, consistent actions, which, when compounded, yield remarkable results.

3. Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination: Shift the focus from the end goal to the journey itself. Overestimating short-term achievements can sometimes overshadow the beauty of the process. Every setback, every detour is an opportunity for learning and growth. Embrace the journey with all its twists and turns, savouring the lessons it unfolds.

4. Defying your Inner Saboteurs: The inner saboteurs might be whispering doubts about progress, urging you to abandon the path you've embarked upon. Acknowledge these voices, but don't let them dictate the narrative. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Understand that setbacks are not failures but chances to learn, create gifts or opportunities and help build resilience.

5. Action Points for Momentum: If you find yourself facing inaction or setbacks, consider the following action points to reignite momentum:

• Reflect and Reframe: Take a moment to reflect on setbacks, reframing them as opportunities for learning rather than reasons for discouragement.

• Set Realistic Milestones: Break down larger goals into manageable, realistic milestones. Celebrate each achievement along the way.

• Stay accountable: Accountability is a powerful motivator. Share your goals with someone you trust – a friend, a family member, or even work with a coach. Having someone to share your journey with can provide both support and an external perspective.

• Reconnect with Purpose: Revisit the why behind your goals. Reconnecting with your deeper purpose can reignite passion and commitment.

Looking ahead

If you're navigating through a maze of goals and setbacks, feeling the weight of your inner saboteurs, remember: you're not alone. If you resonate with the idea of overestimating short-term achievements and underestimating long-term accomplishments, consider booking a call with me.

As a coach, my purpose is to guide individuals through these intricacies, helping you navigate the path towards understanding yourself, and what meaningful, enjoyable success looks like to you.

January is not just a month; it's a checkpoint in a journey of growth and self-discovery. Remember there is ALWAYS room to grow. Embrace the process, celebrate the wins, and remember that every step, no matter how small, is a step forward.

Book a free consultation with me here and maximise the rest of your year!

Why meaning isn’t enough (you have to enjoy your career journey!)

At the end of 2023 I was spending time doing reflection and goal setting for 2024. And you know what I was finding it really hard work. What normally came easy to me was now a struggle and I have to admit I found it quite distressing. To unpick what caused that resistance and distress, I need to go back and tell you a quick story…

Making meaningful career and life changes

Several years ago now I made some pretty significant changes in my life, left my corporate research job, moved abroad with my husband for the first time (hello Bahrain!), shipped a cat overseas, and decided to become self employed.

My first step into self employment was consulting as independent research consultant. Later I also chose to formalise my interest in helping others with their professional and personal development by training to become (and certifying) as a coach. Both consulting and coaching could be done online (the one thing I am grateful to the pandemic for!) which allowed freedom for me to travel and explore the new region I was living in, something important to me.

I was incredibly proud of myself at that time, to have taken the opportunity and the time to figure out what would be more meaningful in my career - and the addition of coaching filled a gap that research didn’t quite stretch to.

My mission for the coaching side of my business was simple: show others the amazing transformative power of coaching and personal development.

Why?

Coaching had been offered to me in the past but was something I had been strongly against for many years, holding a limiting belief that asking for help would be seen as a weakness. However after my personal experiences with two fantastic coaches, I did a complete 180 on that view and wanted to spread the word.

It felt incredibly meaningful to me to help others like me (self confessed perfectionists, people pleasers and hyper-achievers) to know there is an alternative to working your self to the point of burn out.

So off I trotted, trying out new things in service of my mission and a big focus on getting VISIBLE:

• Posting on LinkedIn for the first time

• Then posting on LinkedIn nearly every day

• Putting on events that introduced the idea of coaching

• Setting up and sharing regular video content on YouTube

• Putting my hand up for and speaking at conferences like Quirks and ICF

My purpose served as a guiding light

It definitely was not always plain sailing. All those activities listed above were completely new to me and outside my comfort zone. Whenever I had a wobble in what I was doing or I felt resistance, I would come back to my purpose “to be the guiding light that shows others its actually a strength to get support so that you can grow personally and professionally” And most of the time this focus on my mission, those who I was hoping to serve and support got me over my own insecurities, worries or fears of judgement.

But there was something important I was not keeping an eye on... And that was whether I was even enjoying what I was doing…

While I ADORED working with my clients and seeing the amazing shifts they were making in their own careers. I also found I really enjoyed speaking at conferences, and on webinars to motivate others, and had fun putting on live events. On the other hand, I hated posting every day on LinkedIn. For over a year I struggled, and tried so many ways and methods to make it easier for me. While I had some breakthroughs, mostly I sat at my computer and a blank screen for extended periods of time and felt stressed and unhappy about my own ineptitude to do something so ‘simple’

It became a self fulfilling prophecy…

The more I toughed it out, the harder it felt and the more I beat myself up. In fact my inner saboteurs were in full force on this one, so I punished myself even by forcing myself to stay in my office (nicknamed my “box”!) for longer and longer periods of time until all my content creation tasks were done. The more I focussed on this, the less time and energy I had to focus on making an impact with my coaching clients AND enjoying the other bits that I actually did like (eg speaking / running events).

It was not the positive mindset I was trying to demonstrate to those I wanted to support or the freedom of an online business I had designed for myself initially

What’s the moral of this story?

So coming back to my goals and vision for 2024 - no wonder I was finding it hard to write anything down when I had lost a big part of my connection to what was enjoyable for me.

I’m still working through the finer points of my goals and vision, but for now I’ve chosen ENJOYMENT to be my guiding word for this year, and I’ll be asking myself regularly whether the activities and projects I am working on are delivering. I’ll be keeping a track of the fun activities I do as well as the level of enjoyment I feel each week.

Many of us want to make big changes in our work and life to have an impact, live a life of purpose and meaning. I still believe this is of huge importance, but don’t let chasing meaning (or in fact any big goal) mean you forget to enjoy the process along the way!

And if you are an email subscriber of mine - you’ll know already some of the changes I plan to make, as I dish a bit more dirt for those getting my weekly newsletter ;) and if not, sign up here - you’ll be the first to be notified about my blog each week

Until next week, have fun, enjoy the process and laugh as much as you can.

Sign up for the newsletter here

Feeling Trapped in Your Career? Here's What to Do

Are you feeling trapped in your career, uncertain about the next step, or questioning your current path? If so, you're not alone. Many of us feel like this from time to time (especially at the start of the year when the fresh start you hoped for has not revealed itself in your current role or work).

Its something I have personal experience of, on multiple occasions throughout my career actually! And what surprised me the most recently was that I realised working for myself did not make me immune to these feelings. In fact, ironically I think I felt them even more keenly of late, questioning some of my choices and wondering how to move forward…

If you're resonating with the feelings of being trapped in your career, today's post is specifically crafted for you. Firstly, let's discuss the common factors that may contribute to feeling stuck in your career.

Identifying the Traps 

Trap 1 - lack of challenge but unsure what would be more interesting or enjoyable

The professionals I work with (those with backgrounds in research, data analysis, or problem-solving type careers) often encounter this challenge when the current role no longer presents a sufficient challenge. Expertise in a particular area is certainly valuable, especially for your company (not to mention your ego) but the flip side is lack of energising challenges may lead to feelings of monotony and demotivation - so you feel stuck. 

Trap 2 - drained from your day job, little energy to explore (let alone make changes)

Secondly, the people who I support tend to be experienced in their careers, they are leading teams, holding senior roles with significant client facing and team management responsibilities. The stressors associated with these roles can quickly feel like your time is not your own, and your focus is constantly pulled from one “fire-fighting incident” to another. And if you are anything like me, with a tendency to occasionally people-please, this one is even more critical as you give so much to others, you likely feel  you don’t have the energy to think about yourself and your career - so you feel stuck

Trap 3 - well paid work gives a certain lifestyle - but you’re missing a sense of purpose

Thirdly, feeling trapped in your career can also stem from a lack of alignment with your values and aspirations. While the work may be satisfactory, it may not provide the fulfillment or impact you desire. Balancing the desire for meaningful work with financial stability can create a dilemma that contributes to feelings of being stuck. 

And when ALL those factors intertwine - it can feel even harder to unpick!

Shifting from a mindset of feeling trapped to one of empowerment requires self-awareness, clarity, and action.

When I made changes in my own career in the past, I often looked at these elements in isolation. Yet now having worked through the process of making pretty major adjustments a few times over (and supporting clients to do the same), they are often inter-linked - and that complexity in itself can contribute to the overwhelm and procrastination, because where do you start!?

The truth is YOU need to own the process, as Mel Robbins likes to say “no one is coming to save you!”

Practical Steps for Change 

Breaking free from feeling trapped in your career fundamentally requires knowing where you are headed, and in my experience involves a process of

• assessing where you are today

• exploring the factors making you feel stuck

• dreaming of new alternatives

• figuring out some practicalities of how to make it work in your life

• defining where you are headed

• AND, critically, taking action

• and then repeating the process and course-correcting as needed...

This type of process essentially takes you from the messy web if ideas, doubts and limiting beliefs through to clarity on where you are headed and what makes that important for you. And of course you can do it on your own, but my clients tell me that its more rapid, enjoyable and successful when they have some guidance along the way.  

Define your new destination

If you find yourself describing the long list of things you DON’T want and staying stuck where you are, imagine if you got clear on what you DO want from your dream career destination?!

How much easier (and more fun) would it be, to explain to others exactly what you are aiming for (and why), so you can ask for their help to get there, or to research the steps you need to make that transition, or start reading up about inspiring people in your new field to motivate you further?

If you're ready to redefine your career and take the first courageous step toward a more meaningful and joyful path, I would love to help.

My programme Elevate Your Path guides you to do just that in 90 days or less - you can learn more about it here

Learn more about Elevate Your Path

The advantageous power of Mental Fitness vs. Mental Health

The start of a new year often marks a period of reflection and goal-setting, and I believe that understanding the nuances of well-being—specifically the distinction between mental fitness and mental health—can be valuable, as you navigate the challenges and opportunities ahead.

Understanding the Distinction: Mental Fitness vs. Mental Health 

While mental health is all-encompassing, encompassing emotional, psychological, and social well-being, mental fitness is a proactive journey of cultivating mental strengths. It's about building cognitive and emotional capabilities to enhance overall well-being. In essence, mental health is a necessity, while mental fitness is an advantage.

Let's break down these concepts with some examples:

Mental Health vs Mental Fitness Summary Table

Think about individuals in your business… Who maintains good mental health? Now think about who exhibits mental fitness? The resilient ones, bouncing back from challenges and embracing growth opportunities

What can you learn from their and their approaches? How have they cultivated their mental fitness?  

Conclusion: Embracing Holistic Well-being 

Understanding this nuanced distinction between mental health and mental fitness, is helpful for individuals and leaders. Hopefully this is a useful starting point and an invitation to reflect on integrating both mental health and mental fitness strategies into individual leadership styles and team dynamics. While this insight is powerful, making progress can be challenging alone, especially without a guiding framework. 

As one of a select number of coaches in the Positive Intelligence system, I support clients to combat self-sabotaging behaviours, making a significant difference in just 6 weeks. If you're intrigued by the prospect of embracing mental fitness in your role or organisation, click the link below to book a complementary consultation.

Until next time, lead with mental fitness, purpose and resilience! 

Your Complementary Consultation

Rethinking goal setting - so that you meet your goals and enjoy doing it!

As we stand on the cusp of another year, the air is thick with resolutions and ambitious goal-setting. We've all been there – drafting lofty objectives, only to find ourselves overwhelmed and disheartened when they aren't met. If this sounds familiar, then this blog is for you.

Over the years, I've embarked on numerous goal-setting journeys, tried and tested various methodologies, only to realise that the traditional paths often felt misaligned with my own aspirations and values. Through trial and introspection, I've crafted my unique approach to goal-setting, which I believe can resonate with many of you.

The Traditional Approach: A Quick Overview

Across business, sports, and understadning human psychology the virtues of goal-setting are clear. And I’m definitely on board with goals, I feel rudderless without them. Goals help in many ways, enhancing motivation to boosting self-esteem, and there are numerous styles and approaches. Having “grown up” in the corporate world SMART goals were a staple of mine (specific, measurable, achievable , relevant, time-bound) yet i never really stopped to ask myself whether they were the right approach for me…

Yet, having set and missed goals, celebrated wins that felt hollow, and navigated the maze of my own lofty aspirations, I realised that there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to goal-setting.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

When I paid attention to my experiences they became valuable lessons, showing me what worked and what didnt, and providing me opportunity to create new ideas, qualities and ideas to further my own success.

One significant departure from traditional views on goal setting has become my emphasis on the journey over the destination. While many laud the outcomes - ever heard of setting BHAGS (“big hairy audacious goals”?!) - I instead found a more achievable goal was the right level for me, accepting my overall progress may be slower than others as a result. While I had previously focussed accolades or external validations, I’m now learning to love the process and stay open to what it might bring (I’ve had some wonderful surprises that I could never have set a goal around, and keeping my goals loosed means I stay open to more of those unexpected treats!)

Another divergence was the celebration of small wins. In a world obsessed with “top CEO” or “30 under 30” or “making 6 or 7 figures / year”, acknowledging minor achievements became my source of motivation. It wasn't about monumental leaps but consistent strides, recognising that each step, no matter how small, was a testament to my resilience and commitment.

Redefining Your Goals: A Call to Experimentation

If my reflections resonate with you, I urge you to embark on your journey of self-discovery. Experiment with different methodologies, observe what ignites passion, resonates with purpose, and aligns with your values. Remember, the goal isn't conformity but authenticity – crafting a goal setting approach (and path) that is uniquely yours.

For those intrigued by my approach, I'm thrilled to offer my Reflection and Goal-Setting Workbook. Delve deeper into my insights, exercises, and strategies that have shaped my journey. While it's crafted based on my experiences, I encourage you to adapt, modify, and mould it to suit your own aspirations.

In Conclusion

Goal-setting, at its core, is a deeply personal endeavor.

While the world offers myriad methodologies, strategies and approaches, the truth is you have to experiment and work out for yourself which one or ones work best for you. My own journey, has culminated in a goal setting process that feels right for me, for now!

After all, in the words of Tony Robbins, "Setting goals is the first step from turning the invisible to visible." Here's to making our visions a tangible reality, one step at a time.

Until next time, stay curious.

Resources

https://positivepsychology.com/goal-setting-psychology/

Downloads

“END OF YEAR REFLECTION & GOAL SETTING”

Your guide to take you from burnt-out to energised and purposeful in your career

The secret to a powerful reflection (so you don’t sleepwalk into next year)

As we approach the end of the year, many of us find ourselves navigating the familiar terrain of burnout and exhaustion. The relentless pace of work, coupled with the anticipation of year-end deadlines and holiday festivities, can leave even the most resilient among us feeling drained.

If this resonates with you, know that you're not alone—and more importantly, it's okay to feel this way. However, before you dive into the familiar cycle of setting ambitious goals for the next year, I invite you to consider a different approach: the power of reflection.

The Foundation of Soft Skills

In a world where soft skills like empathy, communication, and emotional intelligence are increasingly valued, one foundational skill often remains underappreciated: reflection. According to a compelling article in the Harvard Business Review, reflection is not just an optional activity but a crucial habit that distinguishes extraordinary professionals from their peers. It serves as the bedrock upon which other soft skills grow, providing a framework for honest self-assessment and continuous growth

The Courage to Reflect

Reflecting on your experiences requires courage. It's about taking an honest moment to contemplate your actions, decisions, and their consequences. But here's the caveat: reflection is most beneficial when approached with a clear and rested mind. If you're feeling burned out or exhausted, diving headfirst into reflection may yield more frustration than insight.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, reflection without adequate rest can be a recipe for rumination rather than genuine introspection.

Meditative Pathways to Insight

So, how can you prepare your mind for meaningful reflection? Consider incorporating meditation into your daily routine. Meditation has been shown to activate parts of the brain associated with introspection and creative thinking. A simple practice like PQ Reps from Positive Intelligence —where you close your eyes, take deep breaths, and focus on the present moment—can enable you to command your mind. When you're in a calmer state, you're better equipped to engage in reflection that is both insightful and constructive.

Questions to Guide Your Reflection

As you embark on this reflective journey, here are some thought-starters to guide your contemplation:

1. What aspects of your work or lifestyle consistently drain your energy?

2. How have you been prioritizing rest and relaxation this year?

3. What activities or people truly help you recharge?

These questions serve as a starting point, designed to help you identify patterns, challenges, and opportunities for growth. For a more in-depth exploration, I've created a free downloadable worksheet that you can access at your convenience.

Conclusion: A Time for Rest and Renewal

As we navigate the complexities of work, life, and the relentless pursuit of success, let's not forget the importance of rest and reflection. You owe it to yourself to pause, recharge, and approach the next chapter of your life with clarity and purpose. And if you're ready to explore what would make work more meaningful again, consider watching my video, "Elevate Your Path," or look out for my upcoming blog on a new approach to goal setting.

Remember, you are worthy of rest, rejuvenation, and a meaningful career future.

Until next time, be kind to yourself.

Resources

Bailey, J. R., & Rehman, S. (2022). Don't Underestimate the Power of Self-Reflection. Harvard Business Review.

Downloads

“END OF YEAR REFLECTION & GOAL SETTING”

Your guide to take you from burnt-out to energised and purposeful in your career

Taking the plunge

Coaching can help you accelerate through challenges, feel more at peace by looking at things through a different perspective or encouraging you to feel, process and let go of emotions and take action towards your goals. That said, many people have yet to experience coaching so plenty of mystery and stigma remain - and it can feel daunting to try something new.

Initially, I too, was resistant to coaching. It is only with hindsight and the fantastic experience I have had with my coaches that got me wondering what might have been if only I had been more open to it sooner…

The first time I was offered executive coaching I clearly remember having had an excellent appraisal at work. We were growing the team significantly and I mentioned that it would be a challenge to transition into a new way of working. My boss suggested it could be a good idea to have a coach, and spoke glowingly about their experience with coaching. Even though the offer was was positioned in a positive way, I became defensive as what I heard was I was not good enough to manage the transition without help. I backed off the idea and, in protecting my ego, missed an opportunity.

The second time I was offered executive coaching was in the wake of a big re-structure and round of redundancies. My role had remained, but was changed dramatically. I was in a new part of the organisation, with a new boss, new team. I was faced with very unclear requirements and expectations and felt totally out of my depth. This time however, I was open to having support, even though I remained somewhat skeptical.

My closed mindset wasn’t helping me and as a result the first few sessions with my coach felt a bit pointless. I didn’t really know what to expect so when there wasn’t ‘magic’ on session one OR two, I questioned whether it was worth it. I had nothing to lose though so I continued, and I am incredibly glad I did. Something shifted in my third session. My coach asked me a question. As I pondered the answer, I realised that I could connect the insight I was uncovering in that moment to the groundwork we had laid in the first two sessions. This momentum then continued to build in the coming weeks.

With the support of my coach, I took charge of redefining my role (literally writing my own job spec) and communicating it to others (including my boss, peers and other stakeholders). My fears of overstepping were not realised. In fact even though I had done it for MYSELF, everyone I shared it with was very welcoming of the clarity that it gave THEM. This gave me a much greater feeling of stability in the role and a platform from which to move ahead - all in less than 3 months.

Coaching is now part of my lifestyle, but reflecting on this turning point made me wonder, where would I be now if I had the courage to take the plunge sooner?

If you are ready to take the plunge with a coach, why don’t you dip your toe in the water (so to speak!) with me and book a complimentary 30m consultation?

We can talk about what you are feeling stuck with and what I might be able to help with.

I’ll make some recommendations and if its a good fit to work together, we can take it from there. And if not, you’re better informed to make the call when you do meet the right coach!