Six Months of Self Love - and how it changed me for the better

Self-love and self-compassion are essential for overall well-being.

Self-love is the regard for one's own well-being and happiness, involving self-acceptance, self-care, self-respect, positive self-talk, and self-improvement.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support you would offer to a friend.

It involves self-kindness, recognising our common humanity, and mindfulness.

Why Self-Love is Important

Practicing self-love and self-compassion can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress, build resilience, improve relationships, and enhance overall happiness and fulfillment. Establishing a strong foundation of self-worth separate from professional achievements and external validation is crucial for a balanced and meaningful life.

My Journey: In January this year, I embarked on a journey to prioritise self-love and compassion. My focus had been so much on my external world—how others perceived me, my business success—that I had lost touch with myself. I felt dead inside, with nothing lighting me up and no idea who I was, let alone what direction I wanted to go in. This journey, guided by my coach Patricia, has brought profound changes to my life.

The Beginning: One of our first activities was creating a "self-love cave," a mental and emotional space where I could be entirely myself—safe, strong, and courageous. This concept became a cornerstone of my journey, a place to return to for comfort and strength.

Since creativity was part of my self love cave, I decided to take the brief sketch I had made, and transformed it into an artwork, with the power of MidJourney (and AI visualisation tool) and my own creative swirls and lettering (see image above).

It has proven to be a very powerful visual reminder to me, especially when I wobbled at various times!

Beyond creating the image of my self love cave, I knew that there was lots of inner work to do, but I felt safe under Patrica’s guidance since her journey had been very simialr to mine in so many ways.

We tackled my pleaser saboteur tendency to put everyone else first, and my avoider sabotur that was sooo much more present than I realised, and I became a pro at spotting when my victim was bringing too much fo the “woe is me” energy and getting in my own way

And alongside this, I did some very practical things for myself…

My personal steps to Self-Love

1. Prioritising Health and Fitness: Having always neglected myself in this way, I committed to four exercise sessions a week, making them non-negotiable in my schedule. I paired these sessions with social activities, working out with friends to enhance both my physical and social well-being.

2. Improving Finances: Since becoming a coach and changing careers, I’ve lost a steady income - and that had damaged my self worth - but I often avoided the issue. Now I chose to take a good hard look at my finances, creating a clear plan to manage my money better. This clarity reduced financial stress and allowed me to enjoy life more fully.

3. Reducing Social Media Time: Having spent a year posting on LinkedIn nearly every day, I realised how draining it was for me to be in the cycle of comparison and creator mode. So I cut down on social media, focusing instead on impactful, in-person interactions. This shift reduced my feelings of inadequacy and allowed me to connect more genuinely with others.

Key Insights:

• Understanding What Energises and Drains Me: I learned to identify activities that drained my energy and replaced them with those that uplifted me.

• Taking Risks and Trying New Things: With increased self-awareness, I felt more secure in taking small risks and trying new things without fear of failure affecting my self-worth.

How it changed me for the better

These six months of self-love have transformed my life. I've gained a deeper understanding of myself and built habits that support my well-being. This journey has not only improved my personal life but also set the stage for positive changes in my business.

Not only that, I accept self love will be a continual journey for me, but, I’m several steps further forward and now feel I can lead others on a similar path with great integrity

So, if you're feeling lost or overwhelmed, I highly recommend embarking on a self-love journey.

It has been profoundly transformative for me, and I believe it can be for you too.

I hope this blog post resonates with you and inspires you to start loving yourself a little more too - in your own way. If you would like to enhance your self love I’m here to help - consider checking out the programme here

If you’d like to stay updated with my blog, consider signing up for my newsletter.

You'll receive weekly insights straight to your inbox! YAY!

The Power of Communication: Talking to Others and Ourselves

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the power of communication—both in how we communicate with others and, perhaps even more importantly, how we communicate with ourselves. 

Why is good communication important? 

Communicating with others is an imperative in all areas of life - and something that has fascinated researchers to understand what the impacts of good (and bad) communication are - a few examples

• Workplace Performance: A study by Salesforce found that 86% of employees and executives cite lack of collaboration and ineffective communication as the primary causes of workplace failures.

• Well-being: According to a survey by Mind Share Partners, employees who feel heard and understood by their managers are 62% less likely to experience burnout. Moreover, individuals who practice open and honest communication report a 50% decrease in feelings of isolation and loneliness.

• Relationships: The American Psychological Association notes that about 70% of couples attending communication-focused therapy report significant improvements in their relationship satisfaction.

And as compelling as those data points are, I’m sure you can recognise examples where you have wanted to communicate something well, and didn’t quite land your message and inadvertently pissed someone off - or perhaps where someone has communicated with you - yet it later transpires that you got the wrong end of the stick

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– George Bernard Shaw

How we unintentionally self sabotage our communications 

Our communication can be significantly impacted by our internal saboteurs—those negative mental patterns that undermine our confidence and effectiveness. These saboteurs shape the way we interact with others and ourselves, often without us realizing it.

Take the Judge, for example. This primary saboteur criticizes us, others, or circumstances, fostering negative self-talk and judgmental attitudes that create a hostile communication environment. When the Judge is active, we might find ourselves overly critical of our own performance or unfairly harsh towards others, leading to strained interactions.

The Avoider is another common saboteur, causing us to shy away from difficult conversations. This tendency leads to unresolved issues and misunderstandings, as we might avoid addressing problems directly, hoping they will disappear on their own.

Then there's the Controller, which tries to dominate and control situations and people. This saboteur drives us to communicate in a way that is overbearing and stifling, often suppressing collaboration and mutual respect. Instead of fostering open dialogue, the Controller's influence makes communication feel more like a power struggle.

Understanding these saboteurs can help us recognise how they shape our communication patterns. By becoming aware of their influence, we can take steps to counteract them and foster more positive, effective interactions.

Positive Communication Techniques to Overcome Saboteurs

Effective communication is a vital skill that can be significantly hindered by our internal saboteurs. Here are some practical techniques to foster positive communication while addressing the language of saboteurs:

1. Replace Negative Self-Talk with Positive Affirmations

   • Saboteur Language: "I'm not good enough to handle this."

   • Positive Communication: Reframe your thoughts to focus on your strengths. Tell yourself, "I am capable and prepared to handle this challenge."

   • Practical Example: Before a big presentation, instead of dwelling on potential mistakes, remind yourself of your preparation and past successes. Say, "I’ve prepared thoroughly and am ready to share my knowledge."

2. Use "I" Statements to Express Your Needs and Feelings

   • Saboteur Language: "You never listen to me."

   • Positive Communication: Use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings and reduce defensiveness in others. Say, "I feel unheard when our conversations are interrupted."

   • Practical Example: In a team meeting, instead of accusing a colleague of not paying attention, express, "I feel our ideas would be better communicated if we each had a chance to speak without interruptions."

3. Practice Active Listening

   • Saboteur Language: "They don't know what they're talking about."

   • Positive Communication: Engage fully in the conversation, listen to understand rather than to respond, and acknowledge the other person's point of view.

   • Practical Example: During a client discussion, instead of planning your rebuttal while they’re speaking, focus on their words. Reflect back what you’ve heard, like, "It sounds like you're concerned about the project's timeline. Let’s explore how we can address this."

4. Set Clear Boundaries with Kindness

   • Saboteur Language: "I have to do everything they ask, or they won't like me."

   • Positive Communication: Politely but firmly set boundaries to manage expectations and respect your limits.

   • Practical Example: When a colleague requests more of your time than you can spare, say, "I’d love to help, but I’m currently working on another priority. Can we schedule some time next week instead?"

5. Encourage Open Dialogue

   • Saboteur Language: "No one cares about my opinion."

   • Positive Communication: Foster an environment where open dialogue is encouraged, and all opinions are valued.

   • Practical Example: In team meetings, actively invite quieter team members to share their thoughts by saying, "I’d love to hear your perspective on this, Alex."

Effective communication, both with others and ourselves, is crucial for building confidence and maintaining healthy relationships. By recognising our saboteurs and practicing positive communication, we can enhance our performance, wellbeing and relationships.

Question prompts

• What patterns in your own communication do you notice?

• How often do your saboteurs influence your communcation style?

• What language or words do you use with yourself that you’d never use with others?

• And what small steps from above can you take today to work on better communication and connect more deeply with others?

I hope this blog post resonates with you and inspires you to start communicating more kindly and directly with yourself and others. If you would like to learn the tools of good mental fitness so you can enhance your communications I’d love to help - consider checking out the programme here

If you’d like to stay updated with my blog, consider signing up for my newsletter.

You'll receive weekly insights straight to your inbox! YAY!

Confidence: A Practice, Not a Destination

Last month, I traveled from Bahrain to the UK to attend Confidence Live!

It focused on themes like building confidence, being more resilient, and loving yourself more—all topics I frequently discuss and help my clients work on.

Even so, I still need my own motivational boosts from time to time, so I was sooo excited to attend! I hoped that being surrounded by inspiring speakers and like-minded individuals would be just the energiser I needed.

What is “confidence” anyway?

One of the things I took away from the event was the realisation that confidence is inherently flexible and ever shifting, even though many of us (including me!) would like it to be fixed and stable, something we can rely on as we approach new challenges and situations

In fact we ALL have an innate level of confidence that may only shine through in certain situations or under specific conditions, and its normal to have confidence in some areas and less in others (especially new things we are trying for the first time).

Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have; it’s a practice, a habit, a muscle you can grow.

Someone at the conference said confidence is a skill you can learn. While I partly agree, I believe confidence is more about practice and experience. It’s not separate from the activities you want to be confident in; it’s an integral part of the journey of becoming proficient in those activities.

Do you sabotage your own confidence?

One of my big ah-ha moments was how much my inner saboteurs have been interfering with my attempts to feel confident. Everything from having me pretend things I want to do are not that important to me, or pushing myself for more qualifications and certifications before I can take certain actions

Do you recognise any of these limiting your ability to grow confidence?

• The Avoider saboteur leads to inaction, keeping us from taking necessary steps forward.

• The Stickler saboteur demands perfection, causing us to hold back if things aren’t just right

• The Victim saboteur makes everything feel like things for us are harder or more difficult than for others

While we often attribute our lack of confidence to external surroundings and environment, the true challenge lies within. This is why embracing our inner sage wisdom —and being kind to ourselves for the fears we have while taking laser-focused, clear action on the first step—is the best way to build that confidence muscle.

The ‘No Silver Bullet’ Realisation

Part of me hoped that at the event I would learn a new nugget of information that would magically make everything click into place. But one of the biggest takeaways for me from Confidence Live was the realisation that there is no silver bullet for gaining confidence.

Although the presentations were wonderful, filled with vulnerability, brilliant storytelling, and unique perspectives, I realised that much of it wasn’t new news to me. This wasn’t a negative insight—instead, it reinforced that the fundamentals of building confidence remain the same.

Confidence doesn’t come from thinking, reading, or talking about it.

Confidence comes from doing, learning, and sometimes failing.

That’s where true confidence is built.

Courage Over Confidence

So this was the reminder I needed, that perhaps instead of waiting until I felt confident, what I really needed was the courage to take an action, or to ask for help to get moving

So my invitation to all of you is this:

Train yourself to be courageous instead of confident.

Start small, start safe, and set yourself up to learn and grow along the way.

You’re inner saboteurs will pop up with their unhelpful narratives (you expect that by now!) but you can firmly put them in their place and take that single, courageous first step!

Action Steps to Embrace Sage Courage:

• Identify Your Saboteurs: Recognise the specific negative patterns and thoughts holding you back.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging your fears without judgment.

• Set Small, Achievable Goals: Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to build momentum.

• Take Imperfect Action: Accept that progress is more important than perfection and take the first courageous step, however small.

• Reflect and Celebrate: Regularly pause to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

Thank you as always, for being here, please take this as you own reminder that you have everything you need within you to take those small but courageous steps that will in fact lead to growing confidence.

If you’d like to be notified about my blog each week, consider signing up to my newsletter where you’ll always be the first to know about it straight in your inbox.

Sign up for the weekly newsletter here

Celebrate Your Wins: The Power of Acknowledging Even Small Successes

When was the last time you paused to celebrate something you achieved?

Maybe it's been so long that you can’t even remember...

For many of us, celebrating our own success feels icky, as if we're showing off or lacking humility. Often, we think only big milestones deserve recognition, and smaller achievements slip by unnoticed.

I used to think like that too.

But I’ve had a 180-degree shift in my perspective.

Now, I challenge the notion that we must wait until we hit a significant milestone to celebrate our successes.

Instead, I believe we should normalise celebrating every small milestone along the way. Here’s why:

Why Celebrate Small Wins?

1. Building the Celebration Muscle: If we only reward ourselves for big achievements, we miss opportunities to practice self-appreciation. Celebrating small wins helps us get comfortable with acknowledging our efforts, so when we do reach a major milestone, it doesn’t feel alien to celebrate.

2. Avoiding Perpetual Goal-Post Moving: When we focus solely on the next big goal, we put ourselves in a perpetual state of feeling like we haven't done enough. This can lead to a constant sense of lack and postponing our happiness. By celebrating small wins, we appreciate our progress and break the cycle of endless striving.

3. Adaptability to Changing Goals: Goals often change along the way. If we haven’t celebrated the steps taken towards an initial goal, we miss the chance to acknowledge our hard work. Recognising small achievements keeps us motivated, even if the end goal evolves.

How to Celebrate Your Successes

1. Regularly Record and Celebrate Wins: Make it a habit to record and celebrate your wins. Some of my clients share their daily wins with me, while others do it weekly or at the start of our coaching sessions. This constant feedback loop helps internalise progress and boosts self-recognition.

2. Create a Rewards List: Make a list of rewards that are meaningful to you. These could be material items, experiences, or simple pleasures. When you reach a milestone, choose a reward from the list. It could be as simple as a book or as indulgent as a spa day. The key is that it should feel like a genuine reward for your efforts.

3. Proportional Rewards: Match your rewards to the effort and success achieved. For instance, I rewarded myself with a new pair of colorful earrings for speaking at a conference. They serve as a reminder of the doubts I overcame and now always make me smile when I wear them. When I reached a significant financial goal, I invested in a new MacBook, which marked a new era in my business. The rewards should feel proportional to the achievements, making them meaningful and motivating.

Practical Steps to Start Celebrating

• Daily Wins: At the end of each day, jot down a few things you achieved, no matter how small. It could be a productive meeting, a task completed, or even a positive interaction.

• Weekly Reflections: Dedicate time each week to reflect on your progress. What went well? What small steps did you take towards your bigger goals?

• Reward Yourself: Use your rewards list. At the end of the week, treat yourself to something enjoyable, knowing you are worthy of reward and appreciation for your effort as well as your progress. Remember, rewards don’t have to be extravagant—they just need to be significant to you.

A Personal Invitation

So, I invite you to start celebrating your small wins. Not only will they feel fun and enjoyable, they will help you grow confidence. Celebrate small, and set yourself up to learn and grow. Don’t wait to feel worthy of celebration—take a deep breath, muster the courage, and recognise the value in each step you take.

As I continue my journey of self-awareness and self-love, sharing these lessons with you is both cathartic for me and, I hope, inspiring for you.

Thank you for being here. Remember, you have everything within you to take those small but courageous steps that lead to growing confidence - and if you’d like my help with that, consider joining my 6 month programme where I would love to celebrate you and acknowledge you for all the progress along the way as your guide and accountability parter.

Here's to celebrating all our wins, big and small!

I hope this blog post resonates with you and inspires you to start celebrating your small successes. If you have any questions or need further guidance, feel free to reach out!

If you’d like to stay updated with my blog, consider signing up for my newsletter.

You'll receive weekly insights straight to your inbox! YAY!

Bye Bye Burnout : a researchers guide to thriving in work and life

Recently, I took to the stage at the Quirks London Conference to deliver a talk titled "Bye Bye Burnout: A Researcher's Guide to Thriving in Work and Life." The goal was simple: help others recognise the warning signs of burnout and intervene before reaching a breaking point.

My Own Burnout Story

I began the talk with a personal story about moving to New York, a city I had long dreamed of living in. However, this dream quickly turned into a nightmare due to a combination of high expectations, unhelpful tendencies, and a lack of support. With an extremely demanding client, absent bosses in another country, and an unrelenting workload, I found myself in a perfect storm. The excessive hours and constant stress led to emotional exhaustion and eventually, complete depletion.

My only option seemed to be leaving the job.

For years, I felt ashamed of this experience. I viewed it as a failure and was embarrassed that I couldn't cope. Returning from a city I loved was deeply upsetting, and I felt like I had let myself down. But sharing this story was more helpful than I ever imagined. It highlighted the epidemic of stress and burnout plaguing many organisations today.

The Perfect Storm of Burnout

Burnout often strikes when overwhelming workloads and unrelenting demands intersect with personal tendencies like perfectionism, people-pleasing, and rumination. For me, a healthy dose of imposter syndrome added fuel to the fire, preventing me from speaking openly about my struggles.

These vulnerable shares were the very things I tried to hide from my employers and team.

Practical Strategies for Avoiding Burnout

One of my core beliefs is that sharing stories is vital for learning. But sharing practical strategies is equally important. Here are three critical insights I shared during my talk:

1. Taking Care of Yourself

Managing stress starts with self-care.

This includes not only eating well, sleeping well, and engaging in physical fitness, but also prioritising mental fitness. Engaging in activities that promote mental well-being is crucial for preventing the emotional and physical exhaustion characteristic of burnout.

My six-week mental fitness training program offers tools to help calm your mind, intercept negative thoughts and bring a positive and constructive approach managing stress effectively.

2. Managing Energy, Not Just Time

Time is something we can never get back, but energy we CAN recharge

While its true that working long hours can lead to burnout, it's essential to manage your energy rather than just your time. Even a standard 40-hour workweek can be draining if the tasks you're doing don't align with your strengths and interests. I introduced a twist on the urgent-important matrix to help identify tasks that drain energy versus those that recharge you, and the example I shared from a client of mine demonstrated that when we do this, it not only gives us more energy at work, but outside work too. Magic!

3. Setting Boundaries and Recharging

What are you doing at the weekend?

Setting boundaries is crucial—stopping work at a certain time and not taking work home on weekends. However, it's equally important to recharge effectively. Like a phone that needs to recharge, we need activities that restore our energy.

Research has shown, that despite what we think about spending some time working over the weekend as a good way to either ‘catch up’ or to ‘get ahead’ it actually sets us back, significantly.

Instead putting mental distance between us and work is whats really needed. And some of the most restorative activities are social, physical, and creative. Whether it's seeing a friend, attending a party, engaging in physical exercise, or indulging in creative pursuits like writing, painting, or cooking, these activities help recharge our minds and bodies.

A Call to Action

If you've ever felt burned out or on the brink of burnout, I invite you to embrace the above strategies. They are a great start to giving yourself the permission to put yourself first, especially if you recognise some of these unhelpful tendencies in yourself and feel like you're in an environment that could exacerbate them.

I’ll be releasing details soon for a webinar on this topic, so if you would like to be notified about this, please consider signing up to my newsletter for the notification!

Sign up for the weekly newsletter here

Do not be scared to think (but don’t over do it either)

Have you ever noticed how the language and act of "thinking" often reigns supreme? In our education systems, in the world of work, certainly it’s needed in problem solving and decision making. As someone whose first career was in research and insights, I would say this is a critical skill, and is absolutely necessary to be good at those sort of jobs.

And it permeates in every area of life. For example in response to a question or request we are unsure of we automatically say “let me think about it” or “let me think it over”…

And while sometimes thinking is precisely what is needed, often we over use and rely on this skill and langiage as a default - and its limiting.

What if our need to rationalise and analyse everything is actually hindering our progress in the wider context of life?

From thoughts into words

Recently in a session with my coach, I laughed as I said “I think, I think, I think”

You see I’d been recounting my reaction to something that had happened, it was all about how I felt and how I experienced a new state that I was in. Thinking didn’t really come into it at all, and yet every part of the story I couched with “I think”

• I THINK I felt like it was a good experience for me

• I THINK what I learned was xyz

Every time I uttered the words “I think” I could feel a sense of hesitation into what I was sharing - like I wasn’t even sure of what I felt or what I learned, that maybe it could be seen to be right or wrong so I was hedging my bets

What I realised was that framing everything as a thought, was limiting my experience of it. My language was literally forcing my description to be far more narrow than it truly was in reality and inviting me to quetsion myself (and over think!) even more.

Maybe you can relate?

How often do you use “I think” when you are responding to a question or telling a story or sharing an experience? If you’re anything like me I bet it is peppered in there so much you don’t even realise it!

As a fun fact, when writing this blog, I’ve had to delete the words “I think” at least 7 times. That is just how engrained it is for me, and I’ve been practicing widening my vocabulary already!

Trying different language to break the spell

So how can we begin to shift our language and mindset away from "I think" and towards a more holistic approach to problem-solving?

It starts with paying attention to our words and their underlying implications.

Instead of saying, "I think we should do X," try reframing it as, "I learned from past experiences that Y might be worth considering," or "I felt a sense of clarity when I approached it from Z angle."

By inviting language that acknowledges our emotions, experiences, and intuition, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities.

When I described it to my coach I said it felt like a “subtle spaciousness” that the language was giving more room to play and explore my full experince.

Expanding beyond thoughts

So if you expect that you over-use the language of “I think” too (especially to my fellow research and insights professionals) I invite you to spot how often it crops up.

No need to beat yourself up if and when you notice it, just acknowledge it and choose a different word to explain what you want to share. It wont feel that easy at first, but give it a try (and don’t over think it!)

Approach it as a fun challenge and see the subtle spaciousness and expansion that occurs when you widen your words beyond thoughts.

Embracing inner wisdom is as much about unlearning the habits we have developed over time, as it is about learning new ways and modes of being.

If you’d like to be notified about my blog each week, consider signing up to my newsletter where you’ll always be the first to know about it straight in your inbox.

Sign up for the weekly newsletter here

Harnessing a 3:1 Ratio: Turning Negative Thoughts into Positive Action

Did you know that for every single negative thought we have, we need three positive thoughts to counteract its impact? At first glance, this might seem like a lot. But the reality is, our human brains are wired for negativity and so bringing that 3:1 ratio can take a bit of practice.

Argh - negative thoughts are everywhere!

Before you start practicing bringing more positive thoughts into your life - its easy for the negtive ones to keep cropping up, just like in these examples taken from some of my clients of late…

Imagine you're preparing for an important presentation at work. As you review your slides, a critical voice creeps in, whispering, "You're slides don’t look perfect, look at the different fonts as you flick through - how did you not spot this before?!" This self-criticism can quickly overshadow your confidence and undermine your abilities when its time to stand up and share your knowledge and expertise.

Imagine a meeting with your manager where they were showering you with praise for all the things you did well in a recent project, but there is ONE area to work on… You come out of that meeting worrying “You idiot, you always leave something to be desired, now you’ll never be good enough to get that next promotion”. This self-doubt can keep you up at night and hold yourself back from going for the promotion you want

And outside of work it can be just as easy to trigger these negative thoughts…

Imagine scrolling through Instagram, admiring posts from friends and colleagues. Suddenly, you start comparing yourself, thinking, "I'll never be as successful or happy as them. What's wrong with me?" This comparison leads to feelings of inadequacy and diminishes your sense of self-worth.

Breaking the negativity spiral

Maybe its obvious from those examples, but I’m going to say it anyway, these kind of negative thoughts have a profound impact on our emotions and ultimately our behaviours. They erode confidence, fuel self-doubt, and cloud our perception of reality.

What starts as a fleeting thought can quickly spiral into a pattern of negative self-talk... And once that spiral takes hold, it can be really hard to break out of.

So how do we break out of that negative thought spiral?

Firstly just knowing about the 3:1 positive to negative ratio is a good start! Being aware of this helps us consciously choose more positive thoughts, even when our mind is automatically veering towards the negative!

And the more and more we practice this effort over time, the stronger our positive thinking muscle grows and the easier it becomes to stay in that magic 3:1 ratio and think and feel more positive a lot of the time.

Cultivating a Three-to-One Ratio

So I’m inviting you to challenge yourself to cultivate a three-to-one ratio of positive to negative thoughts.

This doesn’t mean being “happy clappy” or bringing toxic positivity - it can look like

• Celebrating your wins, no matter how small

• Practicing self-compassion in moments of self-doubt

• Getting curious rather than self critical about things that went wrong

• Reframing worries and insecurities in the context of what it truly important in your life

• Creating innovative solutions to problems that you had never even considered by saying “what if…”

Bringing this intentional shift in mindset can lead to profound changes in how you perceive yourself and the world around you. It has the added benefit of helping you feel lighter, more positive, confident and able to tackle the challenges ahead of you with even greater ease.

Curious about your personal positivity level?

Maybe you don’t feel you are experiencing that many negative thoughts? Perhaps you are curious to see if there is a way to quantify this at all?

Well as a research turned coach, I love being able to measure things and see progress in numbers as well as more qualitative evidence.

If you're interested in learning what your personal positivity level is, consider taking the Positive Intelligence Assessment.

You’ll receive a single number score from 1-100 that explains the proportion of time you likely spend in positive vs negative thoughts. Anything over 75 means you are hitting that 3:1 ratio and will likely be facing life’s challenges with relative ease, most of the time (we all still have our moments or hit things so big its hard not to be shaken by)

Whatever your score is - remember its not a tool to beat yourself up with - its simple a benchmark and starting point from which to measure progress.

When I first took this assessment my PQ score was 38 (and that was after a lot of work on myself and thinking that I was a pretty positive person!). With the simple tools in the PQ programme and its engaging app helping me build greater mental fitness and positivity, within 6 months I was up at 65 - and let me tell you, I could REALLY feel the difference!

So if you do take the assessment and want to chat through your score and see what else mental fitness may be able to unlock for you, the you may want to consider booking a free discovery session with me to learn how I and the PQ system can support you in managing negative thoughts, inner saboteurs and cultivating more positivity and mental resilience.

Book a free consultation with me here

Riding beyond fear: transforming anxieties into joy with mindfulness

Deep breath iiiiiin, pause, deep breath out. Phew.

Sit up straight, engage my core, look straight ahead…

Annd again deep breath in, deep breath oooooout. Pheeeew.

Look straight ahead, notice the various colors, shades, and textures around me.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

My little mantra

This was the little mantra running through my mind as I prepared for my first-ever horse riding experience. Until last week, I had never had the opportunity to ride a horse. The reason I found myself on horseback was due to my husband winning a horse riding experience in a raffle. Can you believe it!?

When my husband won the experience, I was thrilled! I love trying new things, exploring different parts of this beautiful island of Bahrain, and engaging in unique experiences. The opportunity to go horse riding ticked so many of those boxes, and I literally couldn't wait. In fact, I was so eager that I was pestering my husband to book the experience right away. However, as the experience day approached, I began to hear little saboteur voices in my head, worrying about what might happen.

The voice of my saboteurs intruded

Starting quietly they posed a few sneery questions to me:

"What if you don't like it?

“Worse, what if you can't do it?”

“Worse still, what if you fall off and get hurt, ending up in the hospital with a broken leg or back?"

My body started to tense up as my shoulders rose towards my ears. I realised I was biting the inside of my cheeks, one of my classic tells when I'm stressed.

As my husband casually prepared for our outing, looking up directions and getting ready to leave, my anxiety grew.

"Are you ready?" he innocently asked.

"Of course, I'm not ready!" I snapped back. "I only have this outfit to wear, and I'm not sure if it's right. There's no information on the website, except that riders must be under 100 kilograms. I threw away the scales months ago because weighing myself made me sad and mad. And so now I don't even know if I weigh less than 100 kilograms anymore."

He laughed, reassuring me, "Of course, you're less than 100 kilograms! Why are you even thinking about that? It will be fine. We're going to have a great time."

By this point, my saboteurs had taken hold, attacking me where they knew I was most vulnerable—my appearance and weight. I realised I needed a serious intervention to counter these destructive thoughts.

Calming my mind

As we got into the car, I explained to my husband that I needed to spend some time practicing my PQ reps. If you've been reading my posts for a while, you'll know that PQ reps are a way of commanding the mind. They help to gently bring back wandering thoughts to a focal point, whether it's the breath or a physical sensation like touching fingertips together.

Essentially, PQ reps are a form of meditation that allows you to take control of your thoughts.

So, during the car journey, I focused on my PQ reps, gradually calming the anxious thoughts stirred up by my saboteurs. I could feel the tension releasing from my shoulders as I practiced. I decided to show myself empathy for feeling nervous about trying something new. It was natural to have concerns, and I chose to replace my worries with kind, compassionate reframing.

"You bring courage to new situations and experiences," I told myself.

Upon arriving at the horse riding center, I immersed myself in the vibrant sights and sounds—beautiful horse colors, the smell of stables, and the lively chatter of fellow riders. I tapped into my inner wisdom, reassuring myself that everything would be okay, regardless of the outcome of this experience.

However, as we prepared to mount the horses, my anxiety resurfaced. What if I fell off? What if I couldn't handle it?

These thoughts overwhelmed me.

However, with the gentle encouragement of our guide, I managed to mount the horse and began to follow my PQ reps again.

Deep breath iiiiiin, pause, deep breath out. Phew.

Sit up straight, engage my core, look straight ahead…

Annd again deep breath in, deep breath oooooout. Pheeeew.

Look straight ahead, notice the various colors, shades, and textures around me.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

For the first 10 to 15 minutes of riding, I focused solely on my breath and the environment around me.

This practice helped me calm down enough to truly enjoy the experience. As we reached the end of the trail and turned towards the beach, a stunning sight greeted us—sand stretching out before me, the sky turning a magnificent pink as the sun set, and the footprints of horses that had walked this path before us.

Now I was calm, I was filled with absolute joy and wonder at the beauty of the world around me.

By fully engaging my senses and being present in the moment, I was able to appreciate and enjoy the experience to the fullest. My initial anxieties transformed into a wide smile!

Personal reflections

As I reflect on my first horse riding experience, I realise that stepping out of my comfort zone was not just about riding a horse—it was about confronting my fears and saboteur voices head-on.

It taught me the importance of practicing self-compassion and empathy when facing new challenges.

By engaging in my PQ reps and shifting my focus to the present moment, I was able to transform anxiety into wonder and joy. This experience reminded me that growth often lies just beyond our fears, waiting to be embraced with curiosity and courage.

While new experiences like horse-riding are not part of everyones weekly challenges, but I do bet there are loads of things that might cause you to feel stressed, anxious, upset, worried or unhappy. Maybe its a tough meeting with your boss, or having to reprimand a teenager for their behaviour, or giving some growth feedback to a team member, or something else.

Whatever it is, I encourage you to consider how you can identify and manage your own anxieties and saboteurs.

Notice when self-doubt or fear creeps in, and instead of letting it take over, practice redirecting your thoughts with mindfulness techniques like PQ reps. Challenge negative self-talk with affirmations of self-compassion and courage.

Journalling and reflection prompts

• What situations trigger anxiety or self-doubt for you?

• How do you typically respond to these triggers?

• What self-compassionate practices can you incorporate to manage anxious thoughts?

• In what ways can you shift your focus from fear to curiosity in challenging moments?

Riding beyond fear

If you're curious about developing mental fitness and unlocking your highest potential in work and life, I invite you to explore PQ with me.

Book a free discovery session with me to learn how I and the PQ system can support you in managing your inner saboteurs and cultivating mental resilience.

No pressure or obligation, promise - just an hour of self discovery and insight!

Book a free consultation with me here

Letting go of the old (so that you can make space for the new)

Last week, I shared some thoughts on personal growth using the analogy of a rubber band—how we stretch ourselves into new spaces, sometimes snapping back (which was a huge point of frustration for me in the moment), yet I came to realise that having stretched before, I could always do so again.

Little did I know that last weeks woes would become a pretty pivotal moment of energetic clearing for me, making space for something new to open up.

The power of a good cleanse

Have you ever had a good cry, or a heart to heart with a friend - and then felt a whole lot better - even though your situation has not fundamentally changed?

Well that is the power of a good cleanse. Emotion is simply energy in motion and allowing those emotions to move through us (either through tears, or saying how we feel out loud) can shift a lot.

What I had not realised until I came to write this weeks blog, is that I’ve actually been cleansing a lot in the past month

• Cleaned my closet of things I no longer love or wear (if you want some pro advice on this please check out Samantha Harman, my amazing style coach whose method I followed!)

• Cleared out my office and desk - I had bits of paper everywhere, old random post its and a whiteboard that still had last some of last years goals on - hardly clear headed and laser focus on the action I want to create this year!

• Cleared out some old worries and truths with my husband in a session we lovingly call “truthbombing” each other - we shared some real corkers of how we were both feeling about work and life - and just like that both of us felt heard, supported and focussed towards some new plans!

• Cleared out my negative and limiting beliefs around what is possible for me and how hard I need to work to achieve it (the story I have told myself too often is “work has to be hard work” and this has led me to burn out, or the brink of it, more times than I can recall) - and there is just no place for this in my life for this sort of thinking any more

Reflecting on this combined process of clearing stuck, negative energy in several areas, I could see how that helped me go from feeling disheartened to openhearted, from fearful to courageous, and from stagnant to inspired. It created space for new ideas, new energy, and new possibilities to flow into my life.

Ask yourself: “What areas of my life could benefit from a good cleanse?”

I am AMAZING!

One of the things that is possible after a good cleanse, is a space for something new.

For me, the current ‘something new’ is a space for self acceptance, appreciation and self love.

In fact this was bought into sharp focus for me when I had to write a short introduction to a potential corporate client this week.

In it I articulated my background, the transition I made from research to coaching, and from corporate empoloyee to solopreneur all that the time of moving from Britain to Bahrain. It was a short, positive summary of my last 3 years and quickly, I received a very warm and positive response in return. It was so lovely that it made me read my own message again through the eyes of the person I sent it to…

Wow, I thought, this person (me) sounds amazing!

Seeing myself through the eyes of a stranger, I was able to see myself differently and embrace a feeling that I have not had for a long time a feeling that "I am amazing!" I knew there was something in here for me and chose to use it as a sort of mantra

Saying “I am amazing” over and over a few times, felt VERY silly at first —a phrase that didn't align at all with my inner critic's voice. But as I repeated it, I felt a shift in my energy and tentatively started to believe it. A bit like the opening of the Ted Talk by Shirzad Chamine (the founder of Positive Intelligence) where he describes himself as absolutely totally awesome! Give it a watch!

Building a foundation of empathy

There is no mistake that building a foundation of empathy is the first aspect of tapping into our “sage” inner wisdom that Positive Intelligence, is based on.

In essence, empathic power invites us to cultivate compassion, appreciation, gratitude and understanding, especially during moments of introspection and transformation. As I navigated through my emotional cleanses and embraced the mantra "I am amazing," I tapped into this empathic power.

When we are kind to ourselves (rather than allowing our inner Judge to beat us up), we have so much more space and energy for other things - like coming up with creative ideas or ways to get your job done, or holding space for others in your family or team that may need your support. It sounds too simple to be true - but bringing that self empathy really does open the door for so much more.

Woo woo? Or Whoop whoop!?

Now if you’ve been reading my emails or blog for a while you’ll probably know I am mostly pretty down to earth, and not exactly into “woo woo” stuff… But something about this new loving and accepting energy I am bringing and the mantra has shifted things for me. But since I am not into woo woo - I’ll describe it better as a “whoop whoop” self - celebratory style!

Since I started using my mantra I’ve been attracting all sorts of wonderful things

• Learned of the possibility of a new project

• Got confirmed as a speaker at an upcoming conference

• Had 2 ex colleagues and a coach friend reach out to reconnect

• A newsletter subscriber responded beautifully to one of my emails

• Oh AND I did a full press up for the first time (something I NEVER before believed was possible for me!)

Creating this mantra was a powerful reminder to keep that positive energy flowing—to counteract self-doubt and fear with self-love and courage. It's incredible how a few words can shift our perspective and open us up to new possibilities.

You are amazing too!

So, dear gentle reader, I invite you to reflect on your own journey, using my experience as a sort of template if you like. Imagine you were to write to a new prospective client or employer to introduce yourself…

• What are the big things that describe the essence of you?

• What achievements must they absolutely know about so they want to learn more?

• What milestones or moments put you on the path you are on now - whats pivotal to your journey?

Now if you read that back, and ask yourself

• What would your personal mantra be that resonates with your whole or even part of your being?

• How can you create even more space for growth and transformation in your life?

Until next time, keep clearing, keep growing, and remember—you are amazing!

And if your inner judge is too strong and preventing you from writing this for yourself, or if you’d simply like some support to articulate what makes you amazing so you can go on to do more amazing things, I’d love to chat to you in a complimentary coaching session - please see below

Book a free consultation with me here

The Rubber Band Effect: How Personal Growth Works

Have you ever found yourself attempting to work towards some desired goal or build a sexy new habit but feel trapped in a cycle of self-doubt or overwhelm that things are not working out quite like you imagined? That despite your best efforts, to change or reach the target, you slip back into your frustrating old ways?

If so, you're not alone. In fact, I recently experienced a powerful breakthrough during a coaching session that left me feeling emotionally raw yet profoundly empowered. Today, I want to share with you the insights gained from this experience and the lessons learned along the way.

My Personal Growth Epiphany

It was about 10 years ago now (when I was introduced to the concept of Growth Mindset as part of my job at Microsoft) that I had my first big personal growth epiphany. The idea of simply believing in my capacity to learn new things (rather than my intellect and other abilities being fixed as Dr Carol Dweck describes) was a real eye opener. Since then, I’ve increasingly introduced myself to practices like meditation, journaling, and consistent self-reflection. It was my curiosity in these areas that also led me to coaching and the transformation from corporate employee to solopreneur.

Over the years I’ve applied (with varying levels of consistency) these techniques, and been able to realise significant growth and changes in my life, all in pursuit of becoming the best version of myself.

Yet, despite my efforts, recently I found myself grappling with feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

It was during a recent coaching session that these feelings came to a head. As I sat down to speak with my coach, I felt a lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't shake the sense of anguish that had been building inside me for weeks.

Despite all the work I'd done on myself, the different ways I was approaching my health, friendships, balancing work and life, I still felt like I was falling short—like I felt like I wasn't making the progress I desired.

Instead of offering myself loving kindness, and the type of warmth, empathy and support I would offer a friend who shared these sort of woes, I allowed my Judge and other Saboteurs to “hijack” my mind and beat me up with their cruel words.

My inner Judge offered:

• “You’ll never be taken seriously as a coach if you carry on like this!”

• “How can you expect your clients to trust you when you sit here a snivelling mess!?”

• “Surely if all this 'personal growth’ stuff worked, you’d be making even more progress by now?!”

The Rubber Band Effect

My coach, who specialises in self-love and empathy, shared with me a powerful analogy that resonated deeply. She likened the journey of personal growth to stretching a rubber band.

The Rubber Brand Effect

Like a rubber band, initially, it requires effort to expand ourselves to new places. Yet, as we continue to stretch, it becomes easier and easier to reach new horizons. With too much tension the rubber band can snap. Even with the right level of tension, when it is no longer in place, the rubber band returns to its original shape.

This analogy gave me comfort during our session.

It reminded me that change happens in the doing, not just the knowing. Even when the rubber band pings back, it has been changed. It is easier now to stretch to places that were previously impossible for me. This perspective helped me bring "blameless discernment" to my efforts—evaluating them fairly but with kindness and support rather than self-judgment.

It allowed me to realise now matter what my Judge had said, that progress WAS there. I was being more patient, and kinder to myself in a whole host of ways, and that I’m still undoing decades of inner programming, cultural conditioning and societal expectations… phew!

Reflections on new insights

In the days following the coaching session, I found myself reflecting on the insights gained and the lessons learned. One of the biggest reasons I was allowing my Judge and other Saboteurs to beat me up was because I realised that part of their unhelpful narrative was about what you, (yes you! dear gentle reader), would think of me.

Instead I accessed my deeper inner wisdom of my sage and realised that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to courage. Having the strength to acknowledge and address struggles is necessary. In fact it is the very act of sharing our struggles with others, that we engage our humanity

That's why I've chosen to share these lessons with you today.

Despite the discomfort and vulnerability writing this bought me, I know it may help someone who also has a harsh Judge that tells them their efforts are not got good enough (no matter what they do or how hard they try).

So, if you find yourself grappling with feelings of self-doubt and frustration on the path to your goals and dreams, know that you're not alone. I’ve no doubt you have been making more progress than you realise, and perhaps your rubber band has been stretched a little past where it feel comfortable, and you could use a hand getting to a more comfy spot.

In fact as I found with my own coach, having support and guidance from someone who can relate and is a few steps further down the road than you are, is the most wonderful thing of all.

If you’d like a complimentary coaching session to experience what working with me would be like, please see below

Book a free consultation with me here

How I started doing less (not more) and still make progress

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch and she was telling me all about the progress that she was making in setting up her new business. As a fellow expat, here in Bahrain, doing this outside her home country has been a lot to navigate and required a steep learning curve and a lot of support! And on top of this my friend is a mother of two young children, so her time is not only limited but always full of distractions

Dealing with distractions

As I listened to my friend, I could really relate to the struggle of dealing with distractions. Even though I don't have young children to take care of, I still have…

• messages popping up on whatsapp, linkedin, instagram or email all day every day, some from family and friends, others from clients who I support via whatsapp between sessions

• the imaginary gauntlet of the washing / drying area every time I go from my office space to the kitchen to make myself a cuppa - knowing if I allow myself to get distracted here I’ll likely avoid all sorts of other more important things

• a husband that comes home from work when I am still in the middle of my day and mid-flow (his days are 6am-4pm while mine tend to be 10am-7pm)

• two cats who come and sit on my keyboard just when I am in the middle of something (to be honest I don’t actually mind that one!)

The challenge when working on anything of significance (be it your own company, a busy job or even a side project or hobby), is finding the headspace to focus on it.

Headspace and getting in the flow is necessary so you make progress and build up momentum. Having tried MANY things over the years to deal with my own procrastination and distraction issues, I shared some nuggets with my friend based on what had worked for me.

Just pick a single (important) thing

No matter how long your “To Do List” I have found that the simplest approach is best. So rather than doing lots of complicated assessments about which task is more important than another, just pick one. The trick here is it has to be something of significance, but that doesn’t mean it will necessarily take a long time.

For example. the most important thing might be emailing someone about a possible job opening before it closes. It will take 30 minutes to draft and send that email, but may lead to an amazing opportunity.

When I take this approach, I find that I find that I get that single task done, and then have the time, headspace and motivation for another

Why?

Well with the first task done, there is usually a huge sense of achievement because you've done something that was really important for you.

You also take something off the list which may have been niggling or stressing you (and let's be honest it always feels good to get that little dopamine hit from completing a task!)

And, it often puts some of the other tasks that are on the To Do List into a bit of perspective. You realise that of the other 8 things on the list, 5 of them weren't that important anyway, they were in fact just distractions dressed up as tasks.

I know this strategy may sound too simple to be effective, but as someone who is very guilty of making big plans and not actually following them through this approach really really works for me. And the kind of progress you can make doing that every day is not insignificant.

Celebrating and remaining positive

It's really really really easy when you've got big dreams and big ambitions, to look at the actions that you're taking and hear your saboteur voices critiquing your progress.

They may review what you have achieved that day and say “that's pathetic progress” or “that's not gonna be enough to reach the goal or desired outcome” but actually the compound effect of doing one single thing one important thing every day will have a HUGE impact - and that is worth celebrating!

So rather than allowing your saboteurs take away the enjoyment of your efforts, celebrate your effort and stay positive. Maybe it's an achievements journal or folder where you keep track of all of the things that you have achieved and the wins from that week / month. Or even sharing with someone else what you have done and how proud you are of your efforts.

“Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them.”

Jack Canfield

So no matter how small the action seems or how little it seems to have moved the overall dial celebrate the fact that you're even doing it and stay positive about your effort rather than your outcome. Every day you're ticking one important thing off your list you’ll find everything you do is so much more fun and enjoyable, and so the momentum with naturally build!

If you ever want to talk about how I can help you make more progress by doing less in your own career and life you know where I am - lets chat!

Book a free consultation with me here

Your antidote to overcomplicating just about everything

In a world that seems to spin faster each day, it's easy to get caught up in the race to progress in life, and in our careers. Recently I wrote about how my views on taking the slow lane for a while (you can read it here) and today I’m sharing some thoughts on a related issue.

Why is it that when we want to progress quickly towards something, rather than taking the most direct route, we often overcomplicate things with additional ideas or options for how to get there, unnecessary analysis of what may or may not work best and often a side of taking ourselves way to seriously on the outcome we are working towards?!

Two words: simple and fun

When I started the coaching side of my business I was in love with the newness and the possibilities that come at the start of something. Growth mindset was my middle name! And because I was a beginner, I acted like one, and played and experimented with all sorts of ways to put myself out there and in front of clients who may benefit from my coaching and support.

This meant that I embraced collaborating with friends and coaches I had met through my training and coming up with innovative ideas from events, retreats, discussion groups and more.

One of my favourites was an event called “Sparkle YOUR Way” an evening of champagne tasting coupled with some introductory coaching exercises. Over a few hours attendees got to uncover areas of their own lives where they wanted more sparkle and discuss and generate ideas to deliver on that with the help of the group. Everyone got to enjoy a bit of bubbly, learn the difference between Cava, Prosecco and Champagne AND feel sparkly themselves. While I love drinking the bubbly stuff, I am no expert, so I partnered with a beautiful and talented sommelier friend of mine for that part, while I guided the coaching exercises. According to our attendees it was truly a fabulous and effervescent evening!

The best part was, my friend and I planned it over lunch, evolved it over whatsapp, and delivered it a couple of weeks later. It was simple and fun!

More complexity is rarely the answer

Somewhere along the way, I got dragged into the race, tying to build my business faster than was good for me - and in doing so started to put less emphasis on keeping it simple and having fun. Instead I lost sight of why I started coaching in the first place: because I love helping people, and especially breaking down the stigma that still exists about coaching (especially for those people, like me, who struggle to ask for and accept help).

Instead of focusing on the joy of working with clients and making a difference in their lives, I became consumed by the need to make everything perfect (even though ironically I rarely if ever lived up to that ideal). And in the process, I sucked all the fun out of running my business.

As it turns out, you have a lot more time and headspace for fun when you drop out of the race so to speak. Now I am in the slow lane, I’m making a simple plan for how I retain the fun side in my work - and you know what I have a sneaking suspicion that will be appreciated by my clients as well as me!

Three simple and fun strategies for you

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation—overcomplicating things and draining the joy out of your life—here are three simple and fun strategies to bring more simplicity and fun into your life today:

1. Embrace Imperfection: Instead of striving for perfection in everything you do, embrace the beauty of imperfection. Understand that mistakes are inevitable and that they often lead to growth and learning. Allow yourself to let go of the need to control every outcome and instead focus on enjoying the journey, flaws and all

   Recommendation: read the book by Brene Brown “The Gifts of Imperfection” a total game-changer for caring a little less about things that don’t matter, in my opinion)

2. Simplify Your Schedule: Take a look at your calendar and ask yourself: are all these commitments really necessary? Are they bringing me joy, or are they just adding unnecessary stress to my life? Be ruthless in cutting out activities that don't align with your priorities or values.

   My example - prioritising my mental and physical fitness is now my number one priority - so this is fixed in my schedule well in advance and now everything else gets scheduled around it.

3. Inject Playfulness into Your Routine: Find ways to inject a sense of playfulness into your daily routine. Whether it's turning mundane tasks into games, singing along to your favorite songs while doing chores, or indulging in a creative hobby, make a conscious effort to infuse your life with moments of fun and joy.

   My example - when I first started selling my services I found it so gut-wrenchingly awful it would take me hours to put a single post on linkedin or to send someone a message. Sales was one of the many hats I need to wear so I created a persona “Sally the Saleswoman” and I put on her hat (literally and metaphorically each time I needed to press send!)

By embracing simplicity and fun in your life, you'll not only rediscover the joy in what you do, but you'll also cultivate a greater sense of fulfilment and happiness as you literally get more done.

So, what are you waiting for?

As someone who's been there, done that, and got the overcomplicated t-shirt many many times over, I hope my latest revelations are valuable to you, and you can see how stripping away the unnecessary layers of complexity can help to rediscover the absolute joy in what you do.

And if that doesn’t do it, a dog wearing fake glasses and nose is about as simple fun as it gets. Dontcha think!?

If you ever want to talk about how I can help you bring a more simple and fun approach in your own career and life you know where I am - lets chat!

Book a free consultation with me here

Five surprising themes about personal growth (from a book about AI)

“When will I ever laugh again?” said Carrie sadly

“When something is really really funny, you’ll laugh” replied Miranda

I remember this line from SATC when Carrie is recovering on her Mexican honeymoon with her girlfriends (after Big left her at the altar) and she is so sad and depressed she worries that she may never get over it. This clip shows the moment that bought Carries laughter back - enjoy ;oP

Now thankfully, I have not just been jilted (in fact this May will mark 8 years married for Oli and I), but the quote makes me think of my love of reading, which abruptly left me some months back, maybe longer.

For ages I have struggled to read, even books that came highly recommended to me. No matter what I picked up, I would read a few pages and then lose concentration, put it down again, and then the next time I came to read again I couldn’t remember what I had read before.

For an avid reader this was beyond annoying!!

Not one to give up easily, I kept trying on and off, and dear gentle reader I am thrilled to share I found one that I could stick with, and its SO GOOD I have to talk about it in this weeks blog

“Girl Decoded” by Rana el Kaliouby

Personally I was drawn to “Girl Decoded” for a couple of reasons; of an increasing personal / professional interest in understanding how technology and emotions influence our performance, wellbeing and relationships. Plus the fact that living in the Middle East, I was curious to learn her story as a muslim woman becoming such a trailblazer in Tech!

Rana el Kaliouby offers not only a captivating journey into the world of artificial emotional intelligence, but it is also interwoven with her own personal narrative.

What made this a captivating read for me was its intimate portrayal of her journey, from her childhood in Egypt to her groundbreaking work in the United States. Her candid reflections on cultural identity, gender bias, and resilience add depth and authenticity to the narrative, making it both relatable and inspiring. Also, it offered additional gems related to my own career as I learned Affectiva, operates in the world of Market Research (and Millward Brown were one of the early investors in her companies technology!)

Five themes for personal growth

While the book offers a compelling vision of the future of AI and its potential to foster empathy and understanding, there were five themes that come up for me that I wanted to share:

1. Following Curiosity and Passion: El Kaliouby's journey begins with a simple yet profound principle: follow your curiosity. She initially pursued computer science, driven by a genuine interest in technology. However, it was her curiosity about the emotional aspects of human-computer interaction that led her to explore the field of affective computing. |And this in turn led to to different countries, collaborators and more that ultimately saw her found her company Affectiva

   If you’re going through a transition and want to find the intersection between what you love and what you are good at (part of the Ikigai concept I use with clients), staying curious and following your interests in a great bet, even when they lead you into uncharted territory.

2. Embracing Unexpected Collaborations: Throughout her journey, el Kaliouby demonstrates the power of being open to unexpected collaborations. From her partnership with the psychology department at Cambridge University to her collaborations at the MIT Media Lab, she highlights the value of interdisciplinary teamwork and the potential for innovation that arises when diverse perspectives converge.

   This theme emphasises the importance of setting goals while remaining flexible and open-minded. For anyone currently navigating their own career paths, el Kaliouby's example encourages you to embrace serendipity and welcome opportunities for collaboration, even if they diverge from their original plans.

3. Establishing Vision and Values: Central to el Kaliouby's success is her unwavering commitment to a clear vision and core values. She recognized early on that computers were missing emotional intelligence and made it her mission to fill that gap. Similarly, her commitment to privacy and consent-driven decisions reflects her deeply held values. This just highlights the importance of aligning personal and professional goals with a strong vision and values.

   For anyone seeking purpose and direction in their careers, el Kaliouby's example serves as a reminder to establish a guiding vision and adhere to values that drive meaningful decision-making and impact.

4. Dreaming Big and Breaking Boundaries: El Kaliouby's journey is a testament to the power of dreaming big and breaking free from societal and cultural expectations. Despite facing obstacles and setbacks, she refused to be confined by her background or limitations imposed by others. Her boldness and determination to pursue her passions serve as an inspiration to challenge conventions and pursue aspirations fearlessly.

   Whether facing career transitions or personal challenges, el Kaliouby's example encourages readers to break free from self-imposed limitations and embrace their full potential.

5. Valuing Diversity and Inclusivity: Throughout her career, el Kaliouby has championed diversity and inclusivity, both in her approach to development and in creating inclusive spaces for collaboration, such as her inclusive hackathons. This theme resonates deeply with this year's International Women's Day theme of inspiring inclusivity. El Kaliouby's example underscores the importance of valuing diverse perspectives, experiences, and ideas as a catalyst for innovation and progress.

   For some years, I’ve personally been interested in gender equality and closing the gender pay gap (my coaching practice one of the ways I try and create a ripple effect of positive change for women), and reading her example towards inclusivity was inspiring. And a call to action for me to be even more open and inclusive in my future events and trainings.

Walking the walk

One additional, poignant, lesson from Rana el Kaliouby's journey is the importance of walking the walk (not just talking the talk).

Despite her groundbreaking work in adding emotional intelligence to machines, el Kaliouby found herself neglecting to heed emotional warning signs in her own life, ultimately leading to the breakdown of her marriage and divorce. Now I’m not saying marriage is the be all and end all - far from it, but this serves as a powerful reminder that even when we possess knowledge or expertise in a certain area, we must actively practice applying it in our own lives.

In my coaching practice, I've observed that the themes and challenges my clients face can sometimes mirror my own, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and ongoing personal growth.

This book underscores the humbling truth that none of us are immune to our own blind spots and that continual self-reflection and implementation are essential components of personal and professional development.

Final words

Whether you're a tech enthusiast, a market researcher, psychology buff, or simply curious about the future of AI, this book will leave you inspired and eager to explore the limitless possibilities of emotional intelligence. "Girl Decoded" is a must-read for anyone interested in the intersection of technology, emotion, and humanity.

And its endorsed by me as the book that got me back into reading again, so that has to mean something!

Want to read it yourself? Check it out here

Got any great book recommendations that I might enjoy? Send them over lara@lara-meyer.com

Want to talk about how I can help you implement any of the themes I spoke about from the book in your own career and life? Lets chat!

Book a free consultation with me here

Ready to race? Revelations on why, sometimes, its better to shift down a gear

The past weekend in Bahrain bought the roar of Formula 1 engines, the exhilarating speed, and the thrill of competition! Its always a busy and fun filled time on the island and while I didn’t go to the race this year, it has prompted me to think again about the concept of racing though life, whether its good for us and if there is another way…

Spotting the language of urgency

Have you ever paid attention to the way we use the idea of speed in language? The idea that we are running out of time, or that if we don’t do things fast we’ll never get that time back, “time is money” etc. They are so integrated into the way we talk they can be hard to spot, until you are looking for them that is! A few that caught my attention here recently are

• Express spa treatments (get that relaxing massage or facial in 30 minutes or less - how relaxing is it really?!)

• Speed Yoga (something supposed to be spiritual and relaxing - doing it at speed is such an utter contradiction!)

• See a city in 5 hours (these kind of travel layovers are popular here and while Bahrain is a tiny Island even 5 hours is pushing it if you truly want to experience the culture, traditions and people)

• What examples have you come across that might tickle me?

Beyond these everyday examples, I also spend a lot of time in the world of online marketing and coaching for my business, and I see these types of speedy language rife there too.

It was only after I signed up to a challenge called “Race to Recurring Revenue” recently that I stopped to consider what all the hurry was about?! I realised that even I, in my slower period am not immune to the pull of the promise of rapid results!!

But, once I spotted it, and thought about why I wanted to sign up for the challenge, I had a bit of an allergic reaction to the whole idea. I couldn't help but feel uneasy about the language surrounding racing and urgency. The pressure to achieve significant milestones in a short span just didn’t sit right for where my head and heart is at right now.

Despite understanding the positive aspects of quick progress and especially limiting overthinking, I really found myself questioning whether racing into another challenge was right for me.

Reflecting on past experiences

You see, this “allergic reaction” to the idea of racing really helped me stop and think.

Once I really took the time to reflect on past experiences, I realised just how much I had been rushing through my entire career and life. Ever since I started working, I desperately wanted to crank up my years of experience so I could have a bio that read 5 years experience, then it had to be 10 years experience and so on. It never seemed to end, since with each milestone or more senior title, I was not satisfied I just wanted to look ahead to the next one.

In fact when I was younger I carelessly used to say “Live fast, die young, I’ll be dead by the time I am 40!*” What a way to wish away a life and career!!

(*Note dear reader, the irony that I am in fact 40 years old, as I write this blog for you now!)

These rushing and racing habits and behaviours are soooo engrained. They are linked to strengths of mine of being self-directed, driven and goal-oriented - and because our culture applauds these qualities, it can be addictive to keep pushing ahead as quickly as possible. We see this in the lauded 30 under 30 lists or even our parents crowing about our latest progress to their friends as a sort of badge of honour.

If you have some of these “Hyper Achiever” tendencies too, you’ll also recognise how these strengths, can easily get overused, and become crippling self sabotaging behaviours - too much focus on rapid achievement can really be to the detriment of self care, relationships and more.

Learning from unrealistic goals and behaviours

Just like with the challenge I mentioned, even now, as I have 20 years experience as a market researcher under my belt, I still feel the need to race! Putting myself under familiar pressure felt right when I started my coaching and consulting business.

Currently, I am coming up for 3 years as a self employed person and coach. This should be something to be celebrated, not minimised. But because of this pattern to reach milestones as fast as possible, I had attempted to run things in my business like a corporate machine, meaning strict objectives, working hours and targets - and it was horrible.

Waaah - why did I do that?!

Becoming a coach and working for myself were things I wanted to do to give me MORE freedom, MORE flexibility, MORE time for enjoying life. Yet instead I created a world for myself that had LESS of all those things.

And as the gap between my reality and these ambitious goals I was aiming for at breakneck speed widened, I found myself trapped in a spiral of low self-esteem and disappointment.

“Living the fast life, instead of the good life”

As I have become more intrigued by this topic, I’ve sought out other teachers, thinkers to help expand my own thinking on the topic.

Recently I came across the idea of The Slow Movement, as championed by journalist Carl Honoré, after going through his own revelations on the pace of life. It offers us a new perspective on the times to speed up vs slow down, and invites us to consider our well-being, our choices, and the overall quality of our journeys and how our pace is impacting them? If it intrigues you too, I’ll share some links below to books, YouTube videos and websites to check out.

Embracing a slower, more intentional journey

In considering the racing analogy, I discovered that not only did I need to get out of the fast lane and switch down a couple of gears, but in fact I lack the fuel to even race at this moment.

Instead, I find myself yearning for a slower, more intentional journey. The walking phase of life has taken precedence, allowing me to savor the journey, smell the proverbial roses, and extract valuable lessons from the act of slowing down, which as I learn them I hope to share with you.

So far, this self-reflection has become a real catalyst for establishing clearer boundaries, aligning with other individuals who appreciate the importance of moving at a slower pace and a realisation that the support and partnership I seek isn't centered around pushing for significant business goals but is rooted in a genuine enjoyment of the project and its collaboration.

So it begs the question, without the “need for speed” who even am I any more?! (Well there’s another blog post on that topic thats for sure!)

Spotting your own ‘racing’ tendencies

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. If you’d like to learn more about some of the thinsg I have mentioned check these out

Watch: Ted Talk by Carl Honore “In Praise of Slowness”

Read: “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle

Learn: The Slow Living Movement Website

If my reflections on racing through life and the desire to take things down a gear or two have resonated, you may also share a Hyper Achiever Saboteur like I do.

If you’re curious to find out more about it and see how strong it is in you, then I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. Its totally free and if you want to chat through your results with me then please hop on my calendar and we’ll have a leisurely chat about it, no race talk or hard sell guaranteed.

Book a free consultation with me here and see if your Hyper Achiever is racing you round the track too much and explore what you can do about it!

The Art of Balancing Work and Rest

As I sat in front of my laptop, feeling buried under piles of urgent emails, looming deadlines and my calendar a blur of never-ending meetings, my enthusiasm for work had faded away. It was ANOTHER one of those days where every task felt like a never-ending challenge. I felt utterly exhausted.

The annoying thing was I recognised this pattern, and the familiarity of stress from overwhelming workload with each day becoming more unbearable than the last… Over time, I couldn't shake off the feeling of despair. I longed for a break, a chance to catch my breath, but it seemed impossible in the relentless pace of corporate life. Tears welled up as I realised this wasn't the life I had envisioned when I started my career.

That evening, I poured out my frustrations to my coach, expressing the deep exhaustion and hopelessness I felt. The corporate culture seemed like an unchangeable force, and the idea of finding balance and joy at work felt like an impossible dream.

That was a little part of my story from 2019 when I was in my last corporate job, but it could have been told to me by several of my own coaching clients recently.

The struggle is real

In a world of never-ending tasks, tight deadlines, and relentless expectations (at work and home), burnout is a shockingly common experience (recent studies show levels of burn out range from 25-75% of people). And its not just for those of us in employment, even now working for myself I’m not immune to the risks of burn out.

It is just as important to recognise and talk about the facts of the situation as it is to deal with you own mindset and reactions to the challenges you face:

1. Does the workload align with your job role and expectations? Are you taking on more than is necessary for your role? Or maybe you have had to pick up extra responsibilities after someone else left?

2. What are the key factors driving the level of workload you have? Are there team members not delivering, poor communication so tasks often need to be repeated, are you holding on to things you could be delegating etc?

3. Are you constantly overwhelmed, or does it ebb and flow? Identify if there are recurring stressful situations that contribute or if its a more underlying feeling you have as these point to different solutions

These questions will help to give you some context and perhaps even insights (the market researcher inside me remains alive and well!) for you to see where the real issues are. With all of my clients, and us humans in general, there is the reality and then the perception of it which usually is exacerbating things…

Can you take a break?

“But I don’t have time to take a break” I hear you cry!

And to be honest, I have said that so many times myself too. When you are in the thick of an onslaught of heavy workload, and a mindset that tells you anything other than just plugging away is futile, it can feel impossible to take a break. But I promise you, the more strongly you are fighting me on this, the more you need a break, like right now!

Part of the challenge here is when we think of taking a break, the thing we often imagine either the most extreme version of a break (heading to a spa or deserted beach anyone?!) or the impact of what happens when we stop ie the work piling up even more, or worse that we might be thought of as lazy or uncommitted to our career or company for doing so. These extreme ideas feel unrealistic or anxiety inducing, so we stay stuck in our overwhelm.

Or perhaps you distract yourself on your phone for a bit of light hearted relief in the form of cat videos or motivational quotes, but realise after 20+ minutes of this you are now doom scrolling and even further from your deadline - come on it cant just be me!

On top of that our saboteurs predictably pile in and share unhelpful thoughts that fuel and maintain our behaviour patterns

• The Judge may say “oh how pathetic you need a little rest do you?!”

• The Controller may say “if you don’t do these tasks, no one else will, so there is simply no time for rest”

• The Pleaser may say “you will be letting other people down if you take a rest now”

• The Hyper Rational may ignore the feelings of exhaustion completely and keep plowing on with more tasks in a robot like manner

However, in the space we create when we rest, that is exactly where we have our ah-ha moments, the ability to be kind to ourselves for the fact it is f*cking hard to juggle everything, perhaps even clarity over what tasks we can delegate and the things that truly are important and a priority vs the ones that are just noisy distractions.

In fact in rest we can see the wood for the trees that allows us to navigate ahead in the best possible way

My favourite rest breaks from 2 to 20 mins

If you shudder at the thought of taking a break, consider how you could make time for any of these. Everyone, and I mean everyone can make 2 minutes - see if you can stretch yourself up to 20 with some of these ideas…

• 2 minute mindful breathing breaks: Take short breaks throughout the day for a few minutes of mindful breathing. Close your eyes, focus on your breath. In and out, noticing the difference in temperature of the air as it comes in vs out, or the way your chest / stomach rises gently as you breathe. This is one of the things the PQ programme delivers beautifully, with several prompts through the day to pause for 2 minutes to breath and calm the mind as part of the mental fitness training programme

• 5 minutes of creative expression: Engage in a creative activity and letting your mind flow freely in a different, expressive way can be rejuvenating. And no you dont need to be a great artist or anything! This could be journaling for 5 minutes on what is making you feel overwhelmed, or drawing a doodle that expresses your feelings

• 10 minutes for a Power Nap: My new absolute favourite! My coach introduced me to Yoga Nidra, a type of guided meditation for deep rest that enables a serious recharge from as little as 10 minutes. Find a quiet space, set an alarm, and let your mind and body briefly reset. I’m loving this one by Ally Boothroyd

• 20 minutes for a walk: Step away from your desk. I repeat, step away from your desk! Ideally get outside and immerse yourself in nature. A short walk in a nearby park or green space (if you have one nearby) can provide a refreshing change of scenery and give you the space you need to breath and re-focus

• (If you are an animal lover) Get a cat: Ok ok, I am totally biased as a cat mama but honestly the decision to get Cleo (our first cat) and later Issy (pictured above) was a strategic stress coping mechanism for me, and it worked! Every time I stroke them I am soothed, and looking at their cute faces reminds me to give myself the same unconditional love and compassion that I give to them.

Call for compassion

What all of those breaks can help you to do is get, albeit briefly, a little bit of space from your situation so that you can give yourself some compassion. Because psssst here is the true secret - its giving yourself compassion and grace in these moments that is even more powerful than the rest.

Why?

Because when you beat yourself up for finding it hard and stressful and overwhelming and exhausting, you deplete even more of that precious energy you need to make good decisions about the best way forward. Instead when you pause and bring yourself compassion you can usually tap into a sort of inner wisdom that allows for a gentler approach

What would be the kindest thing you could say to yourself in those moments? Maybe its something like

“Anyone would feel overwhelmed by this level of workload”

“I’m doing my best with the resources & time available”

“Whatever I decide to prioritise it will be ok”

Maybe even the idea of this feels wierd to you, but please give yourself permission to give it a try next time you are feeling exhausted and tearful. And you can always pretend you’re saying it to a friend if that helps open the compassion taps.

Bring out your calm rebel

So give it a try. Rebel against the hustle and corporate productivity culture that says we must work at full steam all day every day, and instead, take a few deep breaths, have a nap, play with your cat and come back to your task or project or job feeling more energised and focussed than if you simply ploughed on through.

Oh and dont forget to tell yourself that you are bloody marvellous and doing your very best.

And if you would like to go deeper, I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. This tool will help you identify the inner beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviour tendencies that keep you in overwhelm and negativity rather than accessing that all important self compassion, so that you can start to make changes and feel waaaay better in just a few weeks.

Click below to book time on my calendar and debrief your personal results.

Book a free consultation with me here and learn how these tools can be applied to dealing with your current work / overwhelm / burnout situation

Breaking the Silence: Unleashing the Power of Your Voice in Your Professional Journey

There have been many times when I hesitated to speak up for myself in a professional setting. Some have been minor moments where my opinion would have been valuable but not necessary, others have been more painful recollections where my fear of being disliked/ judged/ shouted at drove my silence and had adverse consequences.

In the corporate world, just as in life, the ability to speak up is more than just a skill; it's a powerful tool for progress. As I reflect on my own journey and the collective experiences of many talented women that I work with, this is a very common topic that can impact even the most confident of us, at times.

This weeks blog is an exploration into the intricate dynamics of finding and using your voice in the professional arena, and the feeling of empowerment that comes when you do

Common factors keeping you quiet

If the challenge of speaking up personally or professionally is something that resonates with you, its easy to blame yourself (your quiet tone, introverted nature etc) or indeed point the finger at others (a toxic company culture or unsupportive boss for example). What I have learned is that unpicking the root cause is NEVER that straightforward, and often those internal and external factors combine together and overlap in complex and highly intricate webs - and its that which can keep you quiet in a myriad of situations.

In the below table I’ve outlined the 5 most common internal factors I explore with my clients, as well as highlighting the external factors which contribute or exacerbate the situation. Which ones resonate most with you?

The saboteurs within: a closer look

When considering those internal factors, the Positive Intelligence framework can shed light on the saboteurs within us—those sneaky voices that amplify our fears and hinder our ability to speak up or share our needs, wants and desires eg

• The "Judge" sabotages self-belief

• The "Avoider" evades conflict at all costs

• The "Pleaser" keeps quiet for fear of displeasing others

Personally, I can recall a situation where I was sitting in a clients office, with them highly agitated and annoyed at the fact the data and reports that had been delivered had many inaccuracies (again). Their frustration was valid, we had huge issues in our data collection that was impacting results, yet the outward bursts of judgement and anger toward me as the account lead and ‘messenger’ were highly unprofessional, disrespectful and actually quite scary.

Their behaviour in turn set off my own saboteurs, leading me to simply agree with their assessment of the situation, and I personally took the blame for the issues, in the hope of not angering my client further. In truth, I was utterly sh*tting myself , afraid if I disagreed or corrected them, the situation would escalate and they would throw me and my colleague out of their office - what a humiliating prospect. Staying quiet, my pleaser & avoider believed, was the quickest way out of there!

In hindsight, I now realise I should have spoken up, remaining accountable for my part, but not personally taking the blame for parts beyond my control. In the long run, I believe it would have established a mutual respect that would have been better for our working relationship.

Instead, I carried fear around with me for a long time, absolutely hated it whenever I had to visit their offices incase of another ‘incident’ and worried excessively every time I sent over a report incase of the blasting I would get if there was any mistakes - yikes!

Looking back, I feel great empathy for that younger version of me who was not aware of my inner saboteur dynamics and how they were impacted by the external circumstances. But I am sooo grateful to now have the mental fitness and tools to deal with these things better each time - a continual work in progress!

The benefits of building the ‘speak up’ muscle

One of the things I see with clients is a great deal of pressure they place on themselves in this area. Often introverted, thoughtful women beat themselves up for not being the loud quick-witted ones. I really want to stress that you don’t have to totally move to the opposite end of the scale! Recognising and intercepting these saboteurs is akin to building a muscle—a muscle that empowers us to speak up with authenticity and assertiveness. Consider what a 10% improvement would do, I’m sure you’ll even surprise yourself at the difference a relative small shift can make!

What I have seen personally and with my clients, is that as you build the muscle of assertiveness (even 10%), confidence soars. Your ability to communicate your views, opinions and needs actually helps you to deepen relationships with colleagues, create environments where all can feel comfortable to be themselves and even more creative and innovative ideas can be born.

Even if you don’t recognise these saboteurs in yourself, growing your awareness of them may help you spot when someone on your team may be struggling to speak up, so you can support them to find and use their voice.

Starting to speak up more

If the themes in this weeks blog have resonated with you, and you want to practice speaking up more so that you can progress in your career, rebalance personal relationships or feel more assertive in all areas of your life then pick one of the factors listed in the table and start to pay attention to any times you notice that factor getting in the way of you speaking up, so that you can start to challenge and gently stretch yourself to shift that extra 10% from whereever you are today - be it speaking louder, more often or earlier in meetings for example.

And if you would like to go deeper, I invite you to take the Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment. This tool will help you identify the inner beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviour tendencies that might be holding you back. By understanding your saboteurs, you can begin the journey of intercepting their influence and unleashing the full potential of your voice.

Click below to book time on my calendar and debrief your personal results.

Book a free consultation to go though your saboteur assessment and see how quietening those inner voices can enable your outer voice to come through more loud and clear!

Navigating with Your Inner Compass: A Personal Journey of Self-Love (So Far)

If you've been following my journey through my blog or emails, you'll know that I consider empathy as the foundation of mental fitness. Yet, even as a coach specialising in mental fitness, I've discovered the profound impact of redirecting that empathy inward—towards myself, is easier said than done.

Its easier to be kind to others

It's a common dynamic among many of my clients, and perhaps you can relate?

Extending care, kindness, and love to others may come easily, but when it comes to self-compassion, it is not a automatic guarantee. In my experience, its something that has to be worked on and practiced and grown, just like any other muscle (mental or physical)

The truth is I have spent so much of my life being kind to others and so dreadfully mean and harsh to myself - no wonder I struggled with turning this around initially. On top of this, my empathy muscle for others grew so strong, I felt I lost touch with what I personally wanted and needed a lot of the time.

Revealing unhelpful patterns of behaviour

Recently, I was working on a personal mission statement of sorts.

And I have to admit I wrote and wrote and wrote, and struggled to come up with anything that felt right. I came back to it so many times. Every time, I felt more distressed because what it revealed to me I was missing a connection to myself. And on top of that, with 10+ years of this sort of personal development work, I put pressure on myself and let the dreaded “shoulds” come in to my thinking

• I should know myself better by now

• I should have a clearer idea of what my mission is

• I should be better than this if I am really to help others on their own journeys

And the thing is, when the “shoulds” appear, its a sure sign that saboteurs are in charge and running the show!

This was a clear sign for me that something had to change, and I was ready to go deeper…

Acknowledging the need for change is the first step.

So, I decided to be honest about my struggle with self-love and understanding. I decided to write about the fact that I am working on this at an even deeper level with the aim to know myself better, and in doing so better serve all of you, who follow my content, attend workshops or webinars or work with me 1:1

Several months ago I began investing more time in self-care as a priority. For me, it meant embracing fun exercise classes, baking elaborate cakes for loved ones, painting, and embracing travel to re-connect with dear friends. Your self-care practices will be unique to you, but when doing them little and often I have found a marked change in how I feel about myself.

These small steps seem like nothing on the outside, but putting myself first in these small ways, opened up a new space and desire to put myself first in other bigger ways too

No journey is meant to be traveled alone

In recognising the need for greater self-love, at the start of this year, I enlisted the support of an empathetic and supportive coach. Our work together is centered around establishing even greater awareness, acceptance, and eventually enhanced self-love.

However, as I embarked on this journey, my internal saboteurs have been raising their voices. The judge, hyper-achiever, pleaser, and avoider—all trying to pull me away from the path of self-love.

• The Judge labeled it as "self-love mumbo jumbo,"

• The Hyper-Achiever claimed “I should be working on something productive or revenue generating”

• The Pleaser worried about “what will other people (and especially your clients) think about this”

• The Avoider questioned the entire endeavours significance - “rather ignore it for another year (or 10!!)” it cried!

• The Victim wailed “who even am I? and why is this work so hard and never ending for me?!”

Despite these voices, I am pressing on.

Recognising their existence, is all part of the mental fitness work and I acknowledge them daily, but refuse to let them dictate my path. It's a reminder that overcoming self-doubt and negative thoughts to ones-self is an ongoing process—one that requires resilience and commitment.

It’s an inside job that is never “done”

That ongoing process is truly a journey, which a wise friend reminded me that the work of self-discovery is never "done." It's a continuous process, an opportunity to deepen and expand our understanding of ourselves. For so long, I sought validation externally—through work, relationships, status, and financial success, hoping at a certain milestone I would be “done”, “complete” or “finished” somehow as a person.

But, the realisation hit me like a wave: the next level shift I yearned for had to be an inside job.

This means shining a light on the internal struggles that kept me entangled in patterns of overwork, people-pleasing, and periods of crippling low self-worth. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see after all.

Celebrating Your Inner Compass

So in the spirit of self-love, I invite you to get to know yourself better, and celebrate your inner compass. Acknowledge the courage it takes to embark on learning about yourself to see and break old habits that no longer serve you. You are not alone, and the path to self-love is indeed an emotional, yet also a proud one.

I hope my open hearted sharing connects with you on some level and helps you embark your next level self love story

Here's to the journey within—may it be filled with self-discovery, acceptance, and a deepening love for the incredible person you are becoming.

Book a free consultation with me here and let’s see how you can bring greater self love for career success and happiness!

Strengths as a superpower: 5 ways to boost your career doing what you are good at

How do you normally feel when you are at work?

Upbeat, energised? Or dreading the next task project or even crisis?  

If you more often experience the latter - feeling drained by the work you do, its a sign that you night be spending more time working on things that are not exactly strengths of yours. The constant stretch out of your comfort zone or enjoyment is zapping your energy and that has the potential to hold back your career.

While it’s obviously not possible ALL of the time to work to your strengths, planning for it most of the time or as often as possible really does make a difference! 

The reasons for a strengths based approach 

Apart from being easier and more enjoyable, there are 5 reasons why I advocate for a strengths based approach when it comes to how we spend most of our time at work.

1.Enhanced productivity and efficiency

Leveraging your innate skills can actually lead you to be a lot more productive and efficient because it's more likely that you enter an incredible state of flow. It is amazing what happens when you align with what you naturally good at - you can get so much more done, in less time and still have the energy to do other things later in the day (work or personal!)

2.Increased job satisfaction

Now we all know work shouldn't be a chore, right?! it should be a source of joy or fulfilment. Its obvious then that when you spend time working on projects or in ways that are aligned to your strengths most of the time gievs you an increased sense of satisfaction as you will mostly be feeling like “job well done” and that in itself enhances your intrinsic motivation to want to continue a hell of a lot more than if you are constantly working on things that feel hard or draining

3.Learning curves

Embracing our strengths does not mean the absence of challenges! It means facing them with a smile and enjoyment because we can see how our strengths apply to unpicking the problem at hand and contributing to its solution in a meaningful way. It supercharges your learning curve like having a secret weapon because you are building on what you are already good at and going from there, like a springboard!

4.Boosting your self-confidence

Confidence, as we all know isn't about pretending to have it all figured out it is about knowing what you're good at and feeling self assured because of that because it matches the needs of the task at hand. When you know that you are leaning into natural strengths or even skills that you have built up over time you can feel more confident to figure out what is ahead of you. Embracing the idea this is always a bit of a journey rather than a destination also re-affirms confidence

5.Innovation and creativity

Now the secret really is here in this final point becuase when you really sync with your strengths you are much better able to be creative and innovate and find novel solutions when you very least expect. If you think about this in your career what new solutions can you create for clients or jobs can you see you would be a great fit for when you take this approach?!

Uncover your strengths today

So if you feel like you're spending too much time on tasks and work that drains you rather than lights you up consider it you might not be playing to your strengths.  See if you can challenge yourself to bring your strengths more into your daily work and see how it changes your energy dynamic

So, reflect on your strengths, really play with what makes you unique and tap into what unfolds when you focus on what you want naturally good at!

Recommended reading for this topic includes

The Confidence Code - Katy Kay and Claire Shipman

Dare to Lead - Brene Brown

Or try taking the free VIA Character Strengths assessment

Book a free consultation with me here and lets see how you can leverage your strengths for career success!

Unmasking workplace saboteurs for career progression & happiness

In our daily work, it can sometimes feel like we encounter saboteurs designed to get in our way of professional progress —be they colleagues, direct reports, managers or even wider systemic issues like an overly competitive culture. These things can definitely obstruct our path to success.

The catch, however, is that changing these external elements isn't always within our power.

So, where do we begin?

Well, dear gentle reader (ps I’ve just binge watched Bridgerton - I know I’m behind the curve here but loved it!!) it actually begins with you!

Starting with your own mind

Because you can’t change how other people think or behave (as much as you might like to!) so the place to start is becoming aware of and unravelling the workplace saboteurs that reside within your own mind.

This has certainly been true for me at points in my career and life - so consumed with how everyone else was treating me and playing the blame game, I didn’t see what I could in fact control and change in myself

Consider this:

Imagine a workplace sabotage scenario that I am sure will be familiar to you: a colleague appropriating your ideas and passing them off as their own. Imagine this has been going on for a while, and is starting to affect your prospects for recognition and advancement in the company.

Ask yourself…

1. What beliefs are fuelling these sabotaging behaviours?

What do you believe about how ideas should be recognised and rewarded?

Perhaps you hold the belief that hard work alone should suffice, expecting others to intuitively recognise your contributions? Perhaps you believe your colleague to be someone unscrupulous so you kind of expect (and tolerate) their behaviour?

2. What actions might unwittingly perpetuate this internal sabotage?

Sometimes we don’t realise how we ourselves are fuelling the very behaviours we don’t want.

Perhaps you persist in sharing your ideas with this colleague, despite past betrayals? Or maybe you find yourself withholding your ideas in meetings, allowing others to claim credit for your ideas due to your silence?

3. How do your thought patterns contribute to these sabotaging behaviours?

On repeat our thoughts become our actions, which become our habits and in turn our way of life

Perhaps you succumb to a victim mindset, bemoaning the toxicity of your workplace rather than being accountable for your own behaviours? Or, perhaps you worry so much about how others will see you if you start “boasting” about your achievements and ideas that you’d rather stay quiet and silently fester with annoyance that seeps into the rest of your day and performance?

Unmasking the saboteurs

The answers to the above questions illuminate the intricate web of beliefs, actions, and thought patterns that contribute to your situation. Addressing inner saboteurs is akin to lifting a weight off our shoulders, enabling us to navigate our own workplace challenges with greater ease. And the really amazing thing is, once we start working on our own mindset, something magic can start to happen with others around us to, a kind of positive ripple effect that weakens the saboteurs of others too.

As a certified coach in the Positive Intelligence system, I guide individuals through understanding how their minds work against them, facilitating the combat of self-sabotaging behaviours, and ushering in transformative change from the six weeks programme (in fact most clients report feeling significantly more positive in just 3 weeks)

For those seeking personalised recommendations to overcome their workplace saboteurs, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation. You'll receive access to free online assessments that unveil your personal saboteurs, fostering immediate self-awareness.

Don’t let your inner saboteurs hold you back from your dream career destination

Book a free consultation with me here and uncover your workplace saboteurs!

Don’t let January dictate your entire year

As the final days of January unfold, it's natural to reflect on the month that has passed, evaluating the progress made and contemplating the goals set at the beginning of the year. For many of us, this period can evoke a range of emotions – relief, satisfaction, but perhaps also a tinge of disappointment.

Perspectives on time

We all have the tendency to overestimate what can be achieved in a short span (a day, week or month) and underestimate what can be achieved in a year. But there is ALWAYS room to grow. So with that in mind, if you have not quite achieved what you wanted in January, its ok! Think about what is possible for you over the quarter or year instead. Here are some tips to help you do that!

1. Celebrate the Wins, Big or Small: Begin this reflection with celebration. Acknowledge and appreciate the strides, regardless of their size. The mere act of embarking on a journey towards personal and professional betterment is commendable. Whether you made significant progress or encountered setbacks, each step is a nod to your commitment to growth.

2. Recognise the Power of Consistency: The human tendency to overestimate what can be accomplished in a day or a month often leads to under-appreciating the impact of consistent effort over time. Progress may not always be linear, and that's perfectly okay. Recognise the power of small, consistent actions, which, when compounded, yield remarkable results.

3. Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination: Shift the focus from the end goal to the journey itself. Overestimating short-term achievements can sometimes overshadow the beauty of the process. Every setback, every detour is an opportunity for learning and growth. Embrace the journey with all its twists and turns, savouring the lessons it unfolds.

4. Defying your Inner Saboteurs: The inner saboteurs might be whispering doubts about progress, urging you to abandon the path you've embarked upon. Acknowledge these voices, but don't let them dictate the narrative. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Understand that setbacks are not failures but chances to learn, create gifts or opportunities and help build resilience.

5. Action Points for Momentum: If you find yourself facing inaction or setbacks, consider the following action points to reignite momentum:

• Reflect and Reframe: Take a moment to reflect on setbacks, reframing them as opportunities for learning rather than reasons for discouragement.

• Set Realistic Milestones: Break down larger goals into manageable, realistic milestones. Celebrate each achievement along the way.

• Stay accountable: Accountability is a powerful motivator. Share your goals with someone you trust – a friend, a family member, or even work with a coach. Having someone to share your journey with can provide both support and an external perspective.

• Reconnect with Purpose: Revisit the why behind your goals. Reconnecting with your deeper purpose can reignite passion and commitment.

Looking ahead

If you're navigating through a maze of goals and setbacks, feeling the weight of your inner saboteurs, remember: you're not alone. If you resonate with the idea of overestimating short-term achievements and underestimating long-term accomplishments, consider booking a call with me.

As a coach, my purpose is to guide individuals through these intricacies, helping you navigate the path towards understanding yourself, and what meaningful, enjoyable success looks like to you.

January is not just a month; it's a checkpoint in a journey of growth and self-discovery. Remember there is ALWAYS room to grow. Embrace the process, celebrate the wins, and remember that every step, no matter how small, is a step forward.

Book a free consultation with me here and maximise the rest of your year!