Navigating with Your Inner Compass: A Personal Journey of Self-Love (So Far)
If you've been following my journey through my blog or emails, you'll know that I consider empathy as the foundation of mental fitness. Yet, even as a coach specialising in mental fitness, I've discovered the profound impact of redirecting that empathy inward—towards myself, is easier said than done.
Its easier to be kind to others
It's a common dynamic among many of my clients, and perhaps you can relate?
Extending care, kindness, and love to others may come easily, but when it comes to self-compassion, it is not a automatic guarantee. In my experience, its something that has to be worked on and practiced and grown, just like any other muscle (mental or physical)
The truth is I have spent so much of my life being kind to others and so dreadfully mean and harsh to myself - no wonder I struggled with turning this around initially. On top of this, my empathy muscle for others grew so strong, I felt I lost touch with what I personally wanted and needed a lot of the time.
Revealing unhelpful patterns of behaviour
Recently, I was working on a personal mission statement of sorts.
And I have to admit I wrote and wrote and wrote, and struggled to come up with anything that felt right. I came back to it so many times. Every time, I felt more distressed because what it revealed to me I was missing a connection to myself. And on top of that, with 10+ years of this sort of personal development work, I put pressure on myself and let the dreaded “shoulds” come in to my thinking
I should know myself better by now
I should have a clearer idea of what my mission is
I should be better than this if I am really to help others on their own journeys
And the thing is, when the “shoulds” appear, its a sure sign that saboteurs are in charge and running the show!
This was a clear sign for me that something had to change, and I was ready to go deeper…
Acknowledging the need for change is the first step.
So, I decided to be honest about my struggle with self-love and understanding. I decided to write about the fact that I am working on this at an even deeper level with the aim to know myself better, and in doing so better serve all of you, who follow my content, attend workshops or webinars or work with me 1:1
Several months ago I began investing more time in self-care as a priority. For me, it meant embracing fun exercise classes, baking elaborate cakes for loved ones, painting, and embracing travel to re-connect with dear friends. Your self-care practices will be unique to you, but when doing them little and often I have found a marked change in how I feel about myself.
These small steps seem like nothing on the outside, but putting myself first in these small ways, opened up a new space and desire to put myself first in other bigger ways too
No journey is meant to be traveled alone
In recognising the need for greater self-love, at the start of this year, I enlisted the support of an empathetic and supportive coach. Our work together is centered around establishing even greater awareness, acceptance, and eventually enhanced self-love.
However, as I embarked on this journey, my internal saboteurs have been raising their voices. The judge, hyper-achiever, pleaser, and avoider—all trying to pull me away from the path of self-love.
The Judge labeled it as "self-love mumbo jumbo,"
The Hyper-Achiever claimed “I should be working on something productive or revenue generating”
The Pleaser worried about “what will other people (and especially your clients) think about this”
The Avoider questioned the entire endeavours significance - “rather ignore it for another year (or 10!!)” it cried!
The Victim wailed “who even am I? and why is this work so hard and never ending for me?!”
Despite these voices, I am pressing on.
Recognising their existence, is all part of the mental fitness work and I acknowledge them daily, but refuse to let them dictate my path. It's a reminder that overcoming self-doubt and negative thoughts to ones-self is an ongoing process—one that requires resilience and commitment.
It’s an inside job that is never “done”
That ongoing process is truly a journey, which a wise friend reminded me that the work of self-discovery is never "done." It's a continuous process, an opportunity to deepen and expand our understanding of ourselves. For so long, I sought validation externally—through work, relationships, status, and financial success, hoping at a certain milestone I would be “done”, “complete” or “finished” somehow as a person.
But, the realisation hit me like a wave: the next level shift I yearned for had to be an inside job.
This means shining a light on the internal struggles that kept me entangled in patterns of overwork, people-pleasing, and periods of crippling low self-worth. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see after all.
Celebrating Your Inner Compass
So in the spirit of self-love, I invite you to get to know yourself better, and celebrate your inner compass. Acknowledge the courage it takes to embark on learning about yourself to see and break old habits that no longer serve you. You are not alone, and the path to self-love is indeed an emotional, yet also a proud one.
I hope my open hearted sharing connects with you on some level and helps you embark your next level self love story
Here's to the journey within—may it be filled with self-discovery, acceptance, and a deepening love for the incredible person you are becoming.